Title: Mischief Managed
Fandom: Harry Potter
Warnings: Slash and a bit of meanness
Pairings: Sirius/Remus and Sirius/Severus
Disclaimer: Ha! If you think I have rights to these characters, where have you been the last few years?
Summary: The Marauders are up to their usual mischief... but run into a problem or two.
Notes: I requested boykissing requests. a4o requested Sirius/Snape... yick! I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge nonetheless :-)
"Add a little more to that pipe," James instructed, pointing up at a long pipe that ran the length of that particular wall.
Sirius nodded and raised the wrench. Pranking, they had learned, was best done with as few personal touches as possible. Even if everyone knew it was them, which everyone always did because they were the best at it, it was much safer and much more fun not to use their wands for things that could be done the muggle way.
Tonight's prank was due largely in part to James and Remus, who had access to the prefect's bathroom. The plan was to tap into the pipes and put in some special flakes to turn everything running in them into orange foam. Water, bubble bath, it didn't matter. By the morning it would all be orange foam running from the baths and showers. It wasn't that they had it in for the prefects. It was simply a protest against rules, conformity, and authority. Not to mention that they'd pranked virtually everyone else already and didn't want to leave this particular group out.
"Padfoot!" Remus hissed. "Hurry up with that and stop being such a horny devil. You're pressing into the back of my head." He tightened his grip on Sirius' legs.
Sitting on Remus' shoulders, Sirius shook with laughter. "Sorry, Love. But you've got your head between my thighs. I can't help but be hard." Carefully, Sirius turned the wrench to open the pipe.
"Here's what I don't get," Peter said, backed up a few steps to snap a photo of Sirius, Remus, and the pipe. "How are you two going to avoid getting drenched in this stuff tomorrow?"
James sighed as though it were obvious. "I've got Quidditch practice tomorrow morning," James explained. "So I'll be showering in the locker room instead of here. And Remus..." his voice died away, not sure exactly what words to use.
"I always prefer to use the showers up in the tower," Remus said. "I can be in and out more quickly so people won't see my body." He meant, of course, so people would not see the scars on his body, but that went without saying. "So it'll be perfectly normal for us not to be here tomorrow morning." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other with a grunt. "That's assuming of course that we aren't still here in the morning trying to do this. Come on, Sirius!"
"It's stuck," Sirius complained. The wrench had been fit onto the connector piece and Sirius tugged at it more. "Just doesn't want to... Mphhh!" he pulled again, harder.
"I think it's budging," James said, looking up from the ground beside Remus. "Give it just one more good, strong tug. That should do it."
Sirius shifted the box of flakes to under his arm so that he could use both his hands to pull. When he did, the connector swiveled and the pipe section came off almost immediately. It sent Sirius backwards, however. The flakes spilled, Remus stumbled, and both James and Peter caught Sirius before he fell to the hard tile floor.
In the process, however, Peter had received a helping of the flakes, right in his face. And while they did not turn him orange, they did cause a slightly different reaction. His face screwed up and his breath came in labored gasps. "Ihhh!"
"Oh-oh, look at Peter," James announced with amusement. He helped Sirius to his feet. "I think he's going to sneeze."
Peter smiled and nodded just before cupping a hand to his face. "IhShihh! Sniff! It's those flakes. Make my nose tickle."
James and Sirius laughed, and Peter partially did the same as he scrubbed at his nose. Remus, however, pinched his nose shut in an attempt at keeping his own nose from tickling too much. They all helped Sirius back up onto Remus' shoulders so he could complete the task. Remus held Sirius' leg with one hand to keep him steady, and pinched his nose again with his other. "Moony?" Sirius asked as he poured the flakes into the pipe. "How about you? Are you sneezy yet? Everything makes you sneeze!"
Remus glared up at Sirius. Sirius laughed as he caught a glimpse of Remus in the mirror across the room, over the row of sinks. "Ohhh look at that. Mad and sneezy. That's my Remus."
"Just-ehhh... just add the... hehhh... add the rest." He took a deep breath and held it.
Sirius smirked and did his best to dump the remainder of flakes into the pipe as quickly as possible. Deep down, he was indeed concerned for Remus' welfare. Not to mention his own, as he was on top of his friend.
Remus, despite the pinching and the holding of his breath, could not fight against the need to sneeze any longer. He tried his best to warn them, but could not get it out fast enough. "Hehhh... Siri... I... heh-EHShooo! HuhShhooo! HahhShoo! Hehhshoo!" Worried about falling as Remus pitched forward with sneezes, Sirius grabbed the pipe to steady himself. But his grip slipped and the pipe bent. The rest of the flakes flew out everywhere, and some from the pipe did the same, covering them all.
James grabbed hold of Sirius before he tumbled off Remus' shoulders. Remus bent in half, hands cupped over his nose and mouth, sneezing harder than anyone else. But all four were sneezing now. It was unavoidable, with the flakes everywhere. Peter snapped a picture of the scene between two of his own sneezes. And they were all laughing a good deal about it all.
When their sneezing subsided a little, James and Sirius began to crawl around on the floor, cleaning up the spilled flakes by hand. There would be no orange anything if sneezes kept people from using the bathroom. "Ehrshoo! Don't forget those over there," Sirius pointed to James.
James nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose, which was tickling. His face fell, mouth hanging open, eyes closed.
The sneeze they heard was not from James. In fact, a quick glance around at each other showed that it was from none of the four Marauders. And despite the tickles in their noses, a bit of fear filled them all as well.
"Pete!" Sirius exclaimed, following the sound of the sneeze to the toilet stalls. "I thought you checked the whole bathroom for people! You said it was all clear."
Peter shrank back timidly and sneezed a few times so he wouldn't have to answer right away.
Sirius looked over at Remus, who was squatting on the floor now and sneezing almost nonstop. He couldn't smell someone else in the bathroom now even if he tried.
"HahCHOO!" James sneezed, and rubbed a finger vigorously under his nose.
Sirius looked around at the mess, and his friends, and made an executive decision. "All right. James, you take care of Rem and the mess. I'll check on the spy." He grabbed Peter's arm. "And I need Peter with me."
Sirius headed straight over to the stalls with Peter in tow. And though there were no feet underneath, Sirius knew someone must be in one. He checked them one at a time from right to left, throwing each stall door open in turn. The first four were as empty as could be but as he kicked open the last door he smiled.
"Well, well." Sirius leaned against the wall of the stall and crossed his arms. "I should have guessed. Couldn't help but sneeze with that big nose of yours, huh Snivellus?"
Severus Snape, dressed in his pajamas, sat on the toilet seat, his legs pulled up against his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He obviously had no wand on his person, else he would have it pointed now. "Look, Black, I was just in here minding my own business--"
"After hours," Sirius added.
"--when I heard you all come in here--"
"And you thought you'd stick around and see what we were up to before running to Dumbledore to tattle?"
Snape sneered at him and quickly rose to his feet. "Your words not mine."
Sirius sucked in a breath and stood strong, blocking Snape's only path of escape.
"So what if I do?" Snape said. He sniffled and rubbed at his nose. "You can't stop me from talking." His nose twitched, and he turned to the side with another sneeze. "Ehh-Rsshhh!" He rubbed at his nose again. "What in the blazes was in those flakes?"
Sirius ignored his second question and addressed the first, more pressing one. "Oh, I think I can stop you. Because if you snitch on us I'll make sure every student in Hogwarts and every person in the rest of the Wizarding world know you're a slimy little pofter in here having a wank to the sight of Gryffindors."
Snape laughed. "And how are you going to prove... ehhh..." He had to sneeze again. Badly. The urge was strong, that much showed on his face. It also showed that, like Remus had at first, he was trying to fight it. But it was too far already for that. "Hihhh!" he struggled.
"Now!" Sirius yelled, yanking Peter into the stall. While Snape was temporarily occupied, Sirius reached forward and tugged Snape's pants down to his knees. And Peter snapped a picture. A picture of Snape gasping, eyes closed, a look of pain on his face. Snape sneezed and before he could do or say anything, Sirius grabbed him and kissed him hard. Peter took another picture before Snape pulled back, breathless and furious.
"There," Snape said, nudging Peter out of the stall before Snape could hex him or snatch the camera. Snape was, however, more interested in hitching up his pajama bottoms. "How's that for stopping you?" Sirius raised his fist, and Snape flinched. Sirius smirked again and put up a finger. "A copy in the great hall, a copy on the chalk board of every classroom, a copy in your common room, a copy in the school paper, a copy in the mail to every pureblood family I know, especially to yours."
Snape flattened against the back wall of the stall, fuming. His face had gone even paler than normal, and he looked as though he were going to be sick. Luckily, he was already near a toilet. "I... can't believe..." he swallowed hard.
"I know, I know," Sirius said, grinning. "I'm a great kisser. Everyone says so. You can share that part if you like, or you can keep it a secret along with the rest of this. It's your choice." Sirius backed out.
Snape pushed past, darting out of the bathroom as quickly as possible. Sirius put his arm around Peter with a hug. "You were excellent. Thanks."
James and Remus had since finished cleaning, and putting the pipes back in order. The whole thing was all set for the prank.
Sirius grabbed a still sniffling Remus for a hug, but pulled back before Remus could kiss him. "Believe me, I've got to go wash my mouth out first," he whispered to Remus. Then he turned to the others. "It's all right. It was just Snivellus. But everything's taken care of."
"We're done here then," James said, grabbing the empty box of flakes and looking around the room to be sure all evidence was gone. They headed up to the Gryffindor tower, taking a secret staircase so they wouldn't be spotted out roaming the halls after hours.
"Sirius?" Remus called, pulling Sirius back from the pack as they climbed the spiral stairs. Sirius slowed his pace and turned around, carefully walking backwards. "What exactly did you do to Snape to get him not to tell about the prank? You didn't hex him badly, did you?"
Sirius shook his head. "No, not at all." He grinned slyly. "If you really want to know, I'll do it to you tonight when we're in bed together." He turned back around and hurried up after the others.
"In bed?" Remus repeated, trying to work things out. "What did you do?" He laughed heartily and quickened his pace, chasing after his lover. "Padfoot! Come on, tell me what you did!"