Title: Short Tale of the Nose-less Pirate

Author: tarotgal

Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean

Rating: PG for mention of piratey violence

Disclaimer: This universe and its characters are so very much not mine, sadly

Summary: Will's sneezing and Jack decides a short story's in order

Notes: The concept within this story admittedly stolen from Johnny Depp as he brainstormed about his character of Jack Sparrow for the movie. Was too cute not to use somehow, somewhere.

More Notes: Written for the Sneezefic Winter Celebration Challenge using bunny #17: write a story with a length of 500 words

Feedback: Sure

Short Tale of the Nose-less Pirate

Will's expression changed and he snapped forward. "EhhShihhh!" Then straightened himself with a sniff. He was trying to pull off his boots and make ready for a few hours of sleep before he would be needed back on deck for duty. Thanks to his great deal of sneezing of late, Jack had seen him down personally and was now leaning against the wall of the cabin, looking lost in thought. He was brought back to reality when Will sneezed again. "Ehh-hehhShhhh!" Snapping forward at the waist with a sneeze even stronger than the last, and wetter, as could be seen even in the dim light of the cabin.

Jack gave a cough to attract attention. "You know," he said, his voice calm as he launched into the story, "I spent a Christmas up north once. Ah, the ale, the music, the ale, the dancing..." Jack waved his ring-clad hand with a flourish and hopped, his jewelry and clothes jingling and jangling. "Not to mention the wine, the ale, and the women. A most enjoyable experience, to be sure. But I happened to have a cold then, which is a rarity, mind, and by coincidence met up with a certain pirate who will go unnamed. He was the fiercest pirate to sail those waters, and had a temper as short as a fuse. A braver and more terrible man you couldn't meet in those parts, though his ship pales in comparison to The Pearl, mind you. While he sported both eyes and all limbs, he had the unfortunate luck to have lost other parts in a messy sword fight. The most noticeable, of course, being his nose."

Will winced at the image, and Jack making a motion of slicing over his own nose was certainly no help. If anything, it made Will shudder. Jack wiggled his nose and to further draw out the suspense and to demonstrate that his own was still in good working order.

"Even though he'd had it reattached, it was blue and not good for anything at all. However, he was terribly scared of anything that could possibly make him sneeze, as you might imagine. Never touched snuff, and wasn't very forgiving to others for being sick around him. Needless to say, my sneezes didn't make a very good impression on him, and he nearly had my nose as well in rage. Strapped me up by my ankles, in fact, though I managed to escape. Bloody Eunuch. Anyway..." Jack grinned, his gold teeth flashing in the cabin light. He cocked his head as he stared unblinkingly at Will. "It should be a lesson to you. Keep your sneezes to yourself when you think you might be coming down with something." He raised an eyebrow.

Will flushed and nodded. He pulled out a handkerchief not moments later to be ready as the next sneeze struck. When it did, he buried his face into the handkerchief as he bent forward. "HehhShuhh!" Will looked up and Jack tipped his hat.