Title: Talk Like a Pirate
Author: tarotgal
Fandom: PotC
Rating: G (seriously, OMG, I think it's G!)
Pairing: None or Jack/Will, however you want to read it
Disclaimer: Thank you, Disney, for these nummy characters. Please don't sue me.
Summary: Sick Jack & Will fluff
Notes: Written for Tina as a thank you for the beta. This was originally an idea for her birthday giftfic, but before I could figure it out, the puppies took over.
Talk Like a Pirate
Jack's nose twitched. His jaw dropped and one of his gold teeth caught the lantern light. The twitching traveled around his face, brow furrowing, lip curling with his moustache along with it, one eyebrow raising then falling, eyelids threatening to close but staying half open. Tempting fate, he did not lift his handkerchief until the last possible moment. “ehhh-Inghhkshhhh!” He cleared his throat with some difficulty and wiped his nose dry. “This is all your fault, you know.”
There was no answer. Jack glanced over.
Will sat only inches to Jack's right. Sitting amounted to hunching forward. His head was down, chin touching his chest. Eyes were closed. Mouth was closed. He looked angelic, peaceful.
So Jack jabbed his elbow into Will's side.
With a start, Will sat straight up. He scrubbed his hand against his face. “Pardon. Nodded off. Were you saying something?”
Jack nodded. “This is all your fault.”
Will looked at him in disbelief, then raised his own hand and handkerchief in it. His eyes shut again, and he yawned. But the yawn stopped short and a slight frown appeared on his face. Then his shoulders hunched forward and head bowed. “hee-EHTChuhhh!” He sniffled and rubbed his nose into the handkerchief instead of the other way around. “This time, the fault is all yours, Jack.”
They both sat on the edge of Jack's bed in the captain's cabin. They both had blankets draped over their shoulders and wrapped around to their fronts. They both had a slightly-damp handkerchief. They both had a head cold.
Will elbowed Jack. “It's your fault because you gave me this cold.”
“I gave you?” Jack exhaled, almost exasperated. “Don't think so, Matey. If I remember correctly, you sneezed on me.” He elbowed back.
Quickly, Will's elbow found Jack's side again. “You sneezed first.”
Through the blankets, the elbows weren't painfully hard, but they made their point. And Jack's made his again. “Did not. I clearly remember seeing you sneeze this morning on deck.”
Another jab accompanied, “I saw you earlier, below decks, when you thought no one was watching.”
Jack's jaw dropped. “ihhhh-Hitchhhh!”
“Aye,” Will said, with a smirk and yet another playful jab. “Just like that.”
Jack sniffled. “Still your fault.”
“It isn't. It is your fault.”
“Yours, Matey.”
“You are only saying so because you… are out of… arguments…” Though he tried valiantly to fight it, another sneeze came over him. “heeh-Chahhh!” It was so strong that he pitched forward and the blanket fell from his shoulders. He shivered violently as he sniffled and then blew his nose into the handkerchief. When Jack cleared his throat, Will looked over suspiciously.
“If you are as cold as I am, we should do something about that, savvy?”
Will dropped his hand into his lap. “What do you suggest?”
Jack held his arm out, the blanket streaming behind him like a cape. Will hesitated a moment, then saw the benefits of combining body heat because he certainly wasn't feeling any better going it alone. He scooted over and took Jack's blanket, wrapping it around his side. Then he draped his blanket over their fronts.
Immediately, they both felt warmer. Will closed his eyes again, blissful apart from the heavy cold in his head. And apart from being bumped and shaken when Jack sneezed.
“ihhh-kshhh! ihhhHihkshhh! ehhhhTChshhh!” He rubbed the handkerchief at his streaming nose until it was safe to stop. Then he poked Will in the arm. “All right, lad. Maybe you didn't give this to me, but it's your fault I'm down here.”
Will chuckled and poked Jack back. “I'm not the one who sent you down here and banned you from the deck.”
Jack sniffed and gave him another poke. “Aye, but you're the one who sneezed loudly and drew Anamaria's attention to the fact that we were both sick,” Jack pointed out.
They both sat there for a few seconds, thinking the same thoughts, sides touching, sharing the blanket and sharing the same cold. “It's all Anamaria's fault,” Jack said at last.
Will nodded in complete agreement. Then he ducked his head into his handkerchief. “hahhh-ehhhhKutchhh! Kitchihhh!” He blew his nose and rubbed at it thoroughly. “It is her fault. And it's not very fair, her sending us down here to be miserable together.”
Jack nodded back. “We should teach her a lesson, savvy?”
“heee… IHShuhhh! Ehchuhhh! Snff! What did you have in mind?”
Cracking a smile, “Well I wouldn't suggest you sneeze on her, for one. Because that wasn't so pleasant this morning.” He coughed into his handkerchief, which didn't muffle the sound significantly. “But we should think of something to do to her. For making us miserable.” He shivered and rubbed a little closer into Will's side for warmth.
“Right.” Will smiled back. “Miserable.” He yawned, and found Jack wasn't just sitting next to him now but leaning against him. Eyes were closing, bodies relaxing but propping each other up and keeping the blanket pulled warm around them both. Will moved his arm just slightly, in a half-jab. “You figure it out. I want to sleep now.”
“You figure it out,” Jack murmured, not even bothering to move his arm.
“You're the…” He paused to yawn again, violently. “You're the captain.”
Jack smacked his lips and bowed his head, trying to drift off. “So I'm ordering you to do it.”
“It's your task.”
“Yours, Matey.”
There was no answer and Jack didn't bother to open his eyes to glance over this time.