Title: Fighting the Loneliness

Fandom: Harry Potter, after Marauders' 5th year

Rating: R I suppose

Warning: wanking, H/C

Pairing: Sirius/Remus, Sirius/hand

Disclaimer: Like masturbation, this is all just free fun :-)

Summary: Sirius is sick and thus alone and bored in the dormitory all day. But he manages to find a way to fill the time and put himself to sleep. And Remus is just normally worried.

Notes: Written in honor of the Merry Month of Masturbation, May 2004



Fighting the Loneliness


     "Okay," Remus sighed, filling his name into a little more than a third of the slots on the page with a flick of his wand. "Looks like that's all of us then." He skimmed the timetable carefully to be sure they hadn't missed a spot, even though he knew it inside and out since they used it frequently.


     "Water!" Sirius called mournfully from his bed. "I deed water... godda die..."


     James sighed and looked at the chart. "Looks like you've got this one, Moony," he said, pointing out the pre-class slot under Monday's header where Remus' name was.


     "Lucky you," Peter whispered, ginning as he looked back over his shoulder at Sirius' bed. "Sounds like he's in a great mood."


     Remus sighed and nodded. "Okay, you guys go on down to breakfast, then. Save me a biscuit if I don't make it in time." James and Peter nodded back. As Remus went over to the windowsill where the pitcher of water and glasses sat, James and Peter popped over to Sirius' bed to relate warm wishes on their way out.


     They left after just a few moments, and Sirius groaned in their absence. "Waaater!"


     "I'm getting you your water," Remus sighed and parted his curtains, sitting down on the edge of the bed. With a hand on the small of Sirius' back he helped the young man sit up and lean forward to drink the water without choking or coughing. "Better?" Remus asked, his hand rubbing Sirius' back through the flannel pajamas.


     Sirius nodded and rubbed the back of his hand at his nose. "Wish you did't hab to leave," he said. "I'b godda be bored here all day od by owd."


     Remus nodded in understanding. He'd spent enough days sick or recuperating after a full moon to know that feeling. It was the hazard of having such close friends. Life just wasn't the same when they weren't around. Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius' temple. "Peter will check in on you during morning break. James will be up at lunch with food. And my next shift is just after class."


     Sirius looked up with needy, hurt eyes. "I hab to wait that log to see you?"


     With a chuckle, "Really, Sirius, how long were we friends before we became lovers? How long was it before we even knew each other?"


     "Too log," Sirius replied, pouting.


     "I'll be back as soon as classes are over."


     His grey eyes looked hurt and he sniffled a few times. "Cad't you skib just ode class to cobe keeb be cobady?"


     Remus shook his head. "You know I can't. And I miss enough class already. Look, we've got the schedule worked out, so one of us will be with you every moment we don't have classes. But we've got to go to those."


     Sirius knew this, but it didn't make him feel any better. "I'll be ub here all day alode add biserable." He coughed a few times, then his breath caught. Remus knew that sound all too well. He grabbed a tissue from the box and held it out to Sirius. Sirius had only a moment to glance at it before his eyes slammed shut and he sneezed freely several times.


     When it was over, Remus sighed and rubbed the tissue against Sirius' nose. Then he forced it into Sirius' hand. "If you can't manage to cover your nose, at least blow it from time to time so you won't sound so stuffy."


     Sirius pouted again. "Dod't you lige it whed I soud all stuffy?" He sniffed a few times, trying to sound pathetic.


     Rolling his eyes and answered offhandedly, "Yes, yes, you're very cute." He kissed Sirius' forehead, not wanting to catch Sirius cold as he knew once he started kissing his friend, it wouldn't stop and he'd end up missing class. "But please blow your nose. It'll relieve some of the pressure and help your coughing and sneezing, too."


     "I'll try," Sirius said as noncommittally as possible.


     Remus grabbed the tissue box and dropped it into Sirius' lap. "Try hard." He ruffled Sirius' sleep-mussed hair and stood. "And try to relax and get some rest, won't you? You know that will help."


     Sirius nodded. Remus headed out, pausing in the doorway as he heard another double sneeze cut through the silence. Remus, holding onto the door frame, waited and listened. When a number of seconds went by with no more sound, he called back, "Blow your nose, Padfoot!"


     There was a pause, then the sound of a full nose being blown hard. Remus smiled and whispered, "Good boy," before starting down the stairs to breakfast and classes.


     Sirius slid back down beneath his blankets, lying back on the pillows his friends had all assembled for him. He was beyond yawning, beyond sleepy. Every muscle in his body ached for rest, but he just couldn't manage to give himself that rest he needed, no matter how he positioned himself in the comfortable bed. His nose was runny, his throat raw, and every time he thought he might be able to sleep, he was disturbed by one or the other.


     He had the warmest of blankets and he softest of pillows. He had water and tissues and a warming pad at his feet charmed to stay warm for up to eight hours. By all accounts, he should feel comfortable and relaxed enough to sleep. Unfortunately, a night of tossing and turning and sneezing his head off or getting up for water because of a sore throat had made him too tired to sleep. Too sick, and too tired. It just wouldn't happen.


     Sirius tried to think of things he could do to get to sleep. A hot shower usually relaxed him, and the steam would certainly help his congestion. But he was too tired now to make himself get up and climb the stairs to the loo. He remembered how tired he got after feasts, but wasn't really hungry at all let alone hungry enough to eat so much as would make him sleepy. There wasn't anyone to get him warm milk or tea. There wasn't anyone to talk to and help him fall asleep, either. And a sleeping charm seemed out of the question considering the great possibility of it going horribly wrong because of how stuffy his nose was, even after a number of blows.


     There was, he surmised, but one available course of action to take. He slipped both hands under the covers and pulled his pajama pants down to his knees. By bending his legs, he allowed himself a bit of a tent under the covers under which to maneuver. He was too tired to do much, which was partially disappointing and partially relieving. Sirius ran his hand up and down his cock, aided by a bit of natural lubrication after a while. His strokes were fast and urgent, but constant. He could feel his whole body aching around the sensation, but the aches were soon replaced by more pleasant tingles throughout his body. It didn't take long, merely fifteen or twenty minutes, before he came. He shouted his pleasure, alone in the dormitory with nobody in the adjacent rooms to hear, either.


     When it was over, he pulled out a few tissues and wiped himself off. He tugged his pajama bottoms back up and snuggled up into the blankets and pillows. Then he blew his nose again and closed his eyes before he could toss the last balled-up tissue away. He felt exhausted from it, and unable to stay awake one moment longer. It seemed to have done the trick, for he fell right to sleep.




     Peter climbed the stairs after first class with a cup of tea clutched in his sweaty palms. It was hot, and he didn't want to spill it, least of all on himself. He heard snores from Sirius as he opened the door. "Sirius?" he called several times as he approached the bed. And even after shoving Sirius a bit, the young man did not wake. His snores stayed steady.


     Sighing, Peter put the tea down on the bedside table. Then he scribbled a note, hoping Sirius wouldn't wake and knock it over by mistake. For the life of him, Peter couldn't remember the spell to bind an item to another, but he figured it didn't matter much anyway in the end. Sirius was bound to notice a mug on his nightstand.


     "Sirius?" he tried one last time. Sirius continued to snore, deep asleep. "Man," Peter said, shaking his head. "Wish I knew your secret. I can never sleep that deeply." He reached over and checked Sirius' forehead for fever, finding no trace of it. Then he headed back downstairs to the next class of the morning.


     "Was he all right?" Remus asked as soon as Peter took the seat beside him in class. James was already in the one behind Peter, and the one behind Remus was empty thanks to Sirius' absence.


     Peter shrugged. "I really don't know."


     "You don't know?" Panic rose up within Remus. He gripped the side of his desk, preparing to leap up and go straight upstairs to see to Sirius. "What do you mean?"


     "He was sleeping," Peter explained. "I tried waking him but he's really fast asleep. I've never seen anything like it."


     Remus sighed. Only one thing put Sirius to sleep that deeply. And considering Remus hadn't been there to help, it seemed that Sirius had worked out a way to take care of the problem alone. He sighed and relaxed in his seat, nodding. "All right. I was just worried. But he needs the sleep."


     James nodded and cleared his throat. Remus and Peter turned and faced the front of the class as Professor McGonagall entered the room.




     James loaded up the tray with care, selecting the sandwich with chunky peanut butter instead of smooth, and stacking at least thirty crackers beside the dish of soup. Sirius could be extremely picky when sick, and James didn't want to give his friend any reason not to eat. He needed to keep his strength up, especially as he'd skipped breakfast.


     But when he reached the dormitory, he found Sirius' bed empty. He set the tray down on a desk as he pondered this. "Padfoot, did you borrow my invisibility cloak again?" There was no reply, not that he was expecting one. Knowing Sirius, the young man could be anywhere. He could have been using his convalescence as an excuse to get out of classes and do some exploring, or head off to Hogsmede, or the Quidditch pitch, or to any number of restricted areas. Really, Sirius could have been anywhere.


     Feeling that there were far too many possibilities to explore, James headed over to Remus' nightstand and pulled out the  Marauder's Map. After a quick scan of it, he found Sirius was in the loo. "Well, I could have figured that out," James said, wiping the map and feeling silly for needing to use it at all.


     He headed up to the boys' bathroom. The sound of the showers caught his ear at once. James still checked the sinks and stalls to be sure Sirius wasn't there, though. It was sort of an odd time of day to be taking a shower. But, not finding Sirius, he rounded the corner to the showers. The stalls had no doors, so it was easy to see that Sirius was in one of them. He had a hand up and against the slick tile, while his other hand beat fervently at his cock. He seemed quite into it, moaning against the constant stream of water pounding down against his head and hunched back. He coughed wetly, deeply, and sniffled but kept going.


     James sucked in a deep breath to keep himself quiet. This was not at all the sort of thing he wanted to walk in and see his friend doing. And he certainly didn't want Sirius to see him there watching. Quickly, James ducked out and went back to the dorm.


     He did not need to wait long for Sirius. The young man returned in less than five minutes, hair dripping onto a towel around his neck and he still wore his pajamas. Immediately his face brightened as he spotted James sitting at the edge of Sirius' bed. "Ab I ever glad to see you!" he exclaimed. "I was goig crazy here alode. Were't waitig log were you?" he asked, sounding a little less stuffy but quite a lot more tired.


     James shook his head, grinning mischievously. "What were you up to, huh?"


     Sirius gave him a funny look and shrugged. "The shower helbs be feel better. The warb water, add steam add..." he paused and turned his head quickly, pulling back as he drew in a deep breath. He sneezed three times, quite powerfully. Then everything began to spin around him. He reached out, trying to hold onto something as he felt his knees buckle.


     "Whoa, now. Steady... I've got you." Sirius opened his eyes to find himself falling onto his bed. He crawled under the covers automatically, and James tucked them around him. "You all right?" he asked, the grin quite gone from his face by now to be replaced by concern.


     Sirius nodded. "Think I overdid it in the shower," he muttered. "Was trying to tire myself out so I could get back to sleep without any trouble." He rubbed at his nose. "It's just that I keep sneezing... and coughing... add there's dothig to do if I cad't get to sleeb excebt lie here feelig biserable."


     James smiled sympathetically. "I was going to give you a hard time about it. But you look pretty rotten right now so I'll let the wanking jokes go."


     "Th-thanks," Sirius said, turning his head again so as not to sneeze on James. One sneeze turned into two, then three, and then four. When he finished and rubbed his hand at his nose as he caught his breath, he turned back. "Sorry."


     James plunked the tissue box down into Sirius' lap as a signal that he should be using them. "I'm going to go get your lunch." He narrowed his eyes at Sirius. "And I'm going to sit here with you and make sure you eat at least a little of it."


     Sirius smiled meekly and blew his nose obediently, knowing that James would stay with him through the lunch hour whether he ate well or not. But the truth was he was a little bit hungry. And eating a lot was a sure way to feel tired enough to fall asleep. But as long as he had the company, he had no intentions of sleeping. He'd been without stimulation from others for far too long.



     James sat on the edge of Sirius bed and moved the tissues aside to place the food tray on Sirius' lap. Sirius smiled and dug in, eager to be caught up on all he'd missed while he'd been alone in the room all day. "Adythig excitig habbed?" he asked excitedly around spoonfuls of soup and soggy crumbles of crackers.


     "Just wait until I tell you what happened in Charms this morning," chuckled James, who helped himself to one of the sandwiches before starting the tale.




     "He's not doing very well," James confessed in hushed tones to Remus and Peter as they hovered over their cauldron during Potions that afternoon. Remus and Peter were both frowning, Remus especially. "I hate to say it, but if he gets any worse--"


     The potions mistress interrupted him, "Are we talking about our latest concoction, Mister Potter? Or are we gossiping with our friends?"


     His back to her, James scowled and Peter had to clap his hand to his mouth to suppress a giggle. James then looked up and turned, an innocent expression and charming smile on his face. "I was simply concerned that this Mullweed root in the school stores might not be fresh enough for this particular potion. Given that if it's more than two weeks old it causes this potion to froth thickly. I was asking my group members what they thought of it."


     "Quite right!" Peter piped up, nodding.


     "It does look a bit greyer than it should," Remus agreed, trying to keep a straight face.


     The professor walked over and examined it closely. "I think you're right about that," she said, nodding in approval. "Fifty points to Gryffindor for such brilliant insight and such a keen eye." The professor turned and walked back to the front of the class. "Well then, we'll just have to do an easier potion today instead. One that doesn't require Mullweed root. Everyone clear out your cauldrons right away as I think up something else."


     James grinned as the professor's erasers began erasing the board and she began writing up a new one. "As I was saying," he whispered, leaning in so Remus and Peter could hear. "I don't want to admit it but I think if he gets worse we should take him to the hospital wing."


     "He won't go," Peter said. "You know he won't."


     Remus nodded. It wasn't that Sirius didn't like Madam Pomfrey. It wasn't that he was scared of needles or medicinal potions. It wasn't even that he minded people fussing over him constantly. In fact, he fed off that, milking the attention for all it was worth. No, it was that he didn't like being cooped up. It was bad enough to stay in his dormitory alone all day, let alone be confined to a stiff hospital cot under the watchful eye of Madam Pomfrey and have to ask every time he needed to use the loo.


     Concerned, Remus sighed. "I'm going up to check on him, then."


     "I just did," James pointed out. "He was trying to fall asleep when I left, he's probably asleep already."


     "Don't care," Remus said. "I should go to him."


     "Remus," James sighed, remembering how instantly panicked Remus had become earlier that day when Peter had come back down from looking in on their patient. "He's all right for now. He's just exhausted and congested and nearly collapsed on me--"


     "Collapsed?!" said Remus, his eyes wide. A wave of panic shot through him again, and this time he felt it was perfectly justified. "That's it, I'm going." James and Peter both looked as though they intended to stop him. Having made up his mind, he would now not budge a bit. "He needs me, I can sense it. He begged me not to leave him alone earlier, and I know he wants the company. He's not feeling well and I'm going to him." Remus looked up at the front of the class. "I trust you can make the shrinking solution without me?"


     James nodded, grinning. "Yeah, think so. Didn't we do that in second year?"


     By way of the potions mistress, he left. He told her he felt ill, and she had taken him at his word since she was flustered over the change in lesson at present. Then he made as though heading in the direction of the hospital wing but then took a shortcut passage up to the seventh floor to the entrance of Gryffindor Tower. "Watermarks," he said quickly as he approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and she swung open before he even got there, saving him valuable seconds. He thanked her for it on his way in.


     His heart began pounding hard as he took the stairs two at a time. The speed of his step had left him breathless, but he was more worried about Sirius than anything else. James was a laid back kind of guy. If he thought Sirius needed to be in the hospital wing, things really must be bad.


     Remus burst into the room, hot and flustered and worried, to find Sirius in his bed, jerking off.


     The curtains were parted, so Remus had a full view from the doorway. Sirius was naked, glistening with sweat in all the right places, with one hand wrapped around his cock and the other around his balls. He was stretched out across the bed in beautiful, showy style, as though he expected an audience. It wasn't as though Remus had never seen it before... but the sight still stopped him in his tracks. He really should have expected as much, having guessed that Sirius had done the same thing earlier, and knowing Sirius as well as he did. It was simply that the sight was a bit of a shock... and a bit of a joy at the same time.


     "Rebus!" Sirius exclaimed, his hand slowing its strokes, then stopping altogether. He made absolutely no move to hide himself, however. And his excitement over seeing Remus surpassed that of his pending orgasm. "What are you doig here?"


     Remus closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed. "I... I decided to scythe off potions. I was worried about you. I didn't want you to be alone." Sirius gave a weak smile of appreciation, then sneezed several times, freely. Remus sighed and grabbed a few tissues rubbing them at Sirius' nose for him. Sirius snuffled boyishly and rubbed his nose into them. Remus sat down on the bed, shaking his head. "Wanker. Here I am worried that you're up here in misery, and I find you like this." He ran a hand down Sirius' arm, as far as he could easily reach from his position.


     "It's the oddly thig that seebs to heb be fall asleeb," he bemoaned. "Udfortudately, it's dot working too well this tibe." He had, after all, done it twice already today. As horny a teenage boy as Sirius Black was, the cold and fatigue from it weren't helping his situation any. However, if Remus would stay, he was sure he'd be able to get it done with in no time. "I..." he broke off, sneezing again. And Remus wiped his nose for him again.


     "It's all right," Remus said with an amused smile. "I'd probably be doing the same thing if I had the room alone to myself and couldn't sleep. You were probably feeling pretty bored."


     "Ugh!" Sirius groaned, nodded. "So bored! You've doe idea!" he cried dramatically. "But I'b dot alode ady bore." He returned the smile. "Udless you're leavig to go back to class dow, that is."


     Remus shook his head. "No. It just didn't feel right, leaving you up here alone. I wanted to be with you."


     Sirius coughed, but smiled. There was a time Remus wouldn't have been quite so protective of him. "Really, Rebus, how log were we frieds before lovers?"


     "Very funny," Remus laughed dryly. He kissed Sirius' cheek, then turned and aimed his wand at the door. He said a spell to lock it, then turned back. "Now relax and let me help tire you out."


     With a grin, "Really, you dod't hab to. I dod't thig I have the edergy to... well... do it lige dorbal." The concept of mounting and thrusting into Remus was almost too exhausting to think about.


     Remus reached over and plucked a few more tissues out of the box. "Honestly, Padfoot, I can't understand half of what you're saying. Now blow your nose for me." He held the tissues up for Sirius, and he obeyed. He didn't put much effort into it, but he didn't have to, considering how stuffy he was. Remus switched tissues a few times, until they'd spent a good five minutes at this and Sirius seemed restless. "That's good," Remus said, wiping beneath Sirius' nose one last time. "I'd say that earned you a reward. And to answer what I think you said before, it's all right. I didn't mean sex. I just wanted to help you... if you'll let me."


     Sniffling, Sirius nodded. Remus had already demonstrated his expertise for helping. Remus stripped down slowly, not wanting to get his relatively still clean and pressed robes dirty. By the time he'd slipped his underwear off, Sirius was hard and touching himself again. Remus grinned.


     He lay down on his side, beside Sirius, and put an arm beneath his lover's neck, hugging tightly around his shoulders. Then his other hand reached down and rubbed bare thigh. Sirius still stroked himself, enthusiastically thanks to Remus' presence, Remus' touch.


     Remus ran his hand inward, parting Sirius' legs more with a nudge, then gently tickling the parts of Sirius' balls not held tightly by Sirius. Sirius gasped and turned his head into the warmth of Remus' shoulder, neck, and chest. "That's it," Remus soothed. "Just relax and enjoy it."


     "Oh, I ab edjoyig... ohhh... it..." Sirius gasped as Remus' fingers tickled his balls gently, then slid down just below to the skin there. They caressed Sirius' cheeks, trying hard not to tickle so that Sirius would laugh but not succeeding completely. Remus rubbed his fingers around the head of Sirius' cock, making Sirius go rigid all over. "So close," he moaned.


     With his fingers a little wet Remus walked them back down again and gently eased two up Sirius' arse. Sirius tensed and groaned with pleasure. Using his voice as such made him cough, but Remus squeezed around his shoulders in comfort to reassure him it was all right. He began pumping his fingers in and out, trying to get deep enough, and at just the right angle. It was awkward and difficult, lying on his side with Sirius' head buried in his chest, to get at the right spot.


     But he finally located Sirius' prostate and in mere seconds Sirius' hand had stopped its pumping in reaction. He shot, groaning into Remus' chest to muffle the sound out of habit, though there was no one around to hear.


     Thanks to his cold, the tissues were conveniently located on the bed already, and Remus wiped him hand off, then cleaned off Sirius. Sirius lay back and let him, closing his eyes. But he quickly grabbed a tissue for himself, holding it up to his nose as he sneezed again. Remus smiled as he ruffled Sirius' already mussed hair. "Feeling tired now?"


     Sirius nodded and yawned almost immediately. "Are you stayig for good, or goig back to class dow? Or should I eved bother askig Bister I-biss-too-bady-classes-already?"


     Remus gave his shoulders another squeeze of a hug. "I'm staying right here with you and keeping you company."


     Sirius grinned. "That's just what I wadted to hear." He turned and snuggled up against Remus' chest. Remus unlocked the dormitory door with a flick of his wand, and then used it to pull the covers up over them both. Sirius snuggled even closer as he gave a second yawn, and then a cough.


     "Are you all set or do you need something else?" Remus asked, running his fingers through Sirius' hair, petting him soothingly. "Can I get you more water or something?"


     Sirius shook his head. "Just wadt you to stay. Just wadt you here with be."


     The fact that he'd stopped being demanding either meant his condition was getting worse or he was exhausted. Remus felt Sirius' forehead, finding it rather warm, but not unexpectedly so considering his recent physical activity. Hoping it was indeed just exhaustion, Remus kissed his forehead and resumed petting him. "All right, then. I'm here if you need me." Sirius' head gave a slow nod, and then he relaxed heavily against Remus. In a few minutes, he was fast asleep and starting to snore. "Good boy, Padfoot," Remus whispered, cuddling him close.