Title: Hopeless and Sniffly

Author: tarotgal

Fandom: Harry Potter

Rating: G

Pairings/Spoilers/Warnings: None of the above

Disclaimer: And they're not mine and I get nothing out of this but fun

Summary: Remus is pissed at Sirius... but finds it difficult to stay that way.



Hopeless and Sniffly


     Remus was supposed to be mad at Sirius. He'd been furious all afternoon and angry all evening. If he never saw or heard Sirius again it would be too soon. But even aside from the fact that Remus detested going to bed while still holding a grudge, Remus was finding it very hard to stay mad now.


     "hah-hah-Arschhh!" And that was the main reason. After dinner, Remus had gone to the library to work and then ended up at the table in their dormitory room. Not long after that, Sirius had settled on his bed to do work and that's when the sneezes had started. Or at least when Remus began noticing them.


     Remus swore to himself that he had not been counting on purpose. But this last one was number three and it wasn't so hard to recall that there'd just been two before it. The fact that there had been three sneezes was not at all suspicious. He sneezed more times like that in a normal day, after all. However Sirius, who had only one known allergy, rarely sneezed at all unless he was sick. And three sneezes in such a short timeframe made Remus a bit suspicious.


     "huh... uhhhhh-HAHShuhh!" Four sneezes. Make that four sneezes. Remus shifted in his seat and looked over at Sirius' bed. The curtains were drawn shut on all sides. After this sneeze, Sirius blew his nose a few times. He sounded terrible.


     Remus reminded himself not to count and not to pay attention. Why should he care if Sirius was feeling a little sneezy? Remus turned back to his homework, an essay for potions on the three solvents needed to break through a binding spell. He knew of two, though he had to look up the ingredients of one of them, but the third escaped him at the moment. And that was making his head hurt. Though potions homeworks frequently did that, whatever their topic.




     Remus tried to ignore it. He bowed his head, his nose practically hitting the parchment. But the words looked blurry to his eyes up close so he pulled back with a sigh. He flipped through the three books he'd taken out of the library, hoping the answer might jump out at him. But he'd looked up dissolving potions and acidic compounds and nontoxic softening potions and still found nothing.


     "hahh... hehh-URShuhhhhh!" The sneeze sounded harsh, wet, demanding. Sirius blew his nose and followed that with a soft groan of discomfort.


     Remus' gaze was drawn back to the bed. After six sneezes, not that Remus was keeping count of course, Sirius was most definitely ill. Sneezing so much was not normal for the young man in the least. It was hard to be mad at someone who sounded awful and was feeling ill. But he wasn't entirely sure what to do or say. After all, he had said he would never forgive Sirius and swore to himself to stick to his words this time.


     "huh... uhh-hahhhh..." Sirius started again, vocalizing the build-ups of the sneezes. It sounded as though they took a considerable amount of effort. The seventh sneeze was equally harsh, and was quickly followed by an eighth. "huhhhhh-hah-ARCHHHH! CHUHSchhhhh!"


     At the sound of some extremely strong blowing, Remus decided he could no longer sit by and listen. If he left it to Sirius, he'd just get worse before he even admitted he was sick. And there was really no telling when James would actually notice or when Peter might work up the courage to mention it to Sirius assuming he did at all. Besides, Remus was getting nowhere with the essay. He was beginning to suspect it was a trick question and there were only two potions. He rose and walked over to Sirius' bed. "Sirius?" he called softly. "Are you all right in there?" Another strong nose blow was the only reply, and Remus was beginning to feel anxious. With a deep breath, he pulled back the hangings.


     Sirius lay on his stomach, gazing up at Remus with watery eyes. He set his quill down on the parchment on the bed in front of him. And beside that, resting on one of his textbooks, was a box of tissues. "Hey. Sniff! Sniff! Hey, Remus." He spoke softly, cautiously, apparently still aware that Remus should be mad at him. "Was I being too loud and disturbing you?"


     Disregarding the question as unimportant, Remus sat down on the bed and immediately pressed the back of his hand against Sirius' forehead. "You don't seem to be running a fever." He checked Sirius' cheeks. They both felt and looked normal. Sirius' complexion was as usual, apart from slightly pink nostrils. "Do you feel like you're coming down with a bug?" he asked concernedly.


     Sirius shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine." Remus looked doubtful. Those sneezes did not sound like the sneezes of a fine person. "Really, Remus. I'm-sniff, sniff! I'm fine." In fact, Remus could not think of a time Sirius sounded less fine. Except maybe in their third year when Sirius came down with the flu and fell twenty feet from his broomstick. "Sniff! Sniff! Snifffff!"


     Reaching over, Remus pulled a tissue from the box and handed it to Sirius. Understanding, Sirius blew his nose hard into it. Though his nose was running and he sounded congested, Sirius seemed to have stopped sneezing for the moment. "I highly doubt that. You can't sneeze eight times in a quarter of an hour and be fine." Remus kicked himself for admitting that he'd been counting. He stood and picked up the stray balled-up tissues. Then he moved the books to Sirius' bedside table. "Don't worry about your homeworks. I'll take care of that for you. I think you'd better get into bed early tonight, just in case it's something more serious than a cold."


     With a laugh and shake of his head, Sirius said, "I don't need to. I know I'm not sick."


     "Oh?" asked Remus, resisting the urge to put his hands on his hips and cock his head like a mother would. "And how do you know that?"


     "Because I was making myself sneeze," answered Sirius, pleasantly. Before Remus had the chance to inquire about that, which he was about to do judging by the confused expression on his face, Sirius picked up his quill. He traced the tip of it around his nostrils and closed his eyes. All at once his lower lip quivered and his nostrils flared. Then he snapped forward with another sneeze. "HERShahhh! Sniff!" Automatically he reached for the tissues but Remus pulled the box away.


     The frustration and anger came flooding back to Remus all at once. "You were inducing sneezes just to get my attention?" Sirius rubbed the back of his hand boyishly at his nose, but nodded. "Of all the low-down... despicable... devious..." Remus wasn't sure what angered him more, the fact that Sirius had been so conniving or the fact that Remus had allowed himself to fall for it. He slammed the tissue box down on top of Sirius' books.


     "It worked, didn't it?" Sirius' whole face was glowing with a grin.


     Remus' amber eyes shot him a menacing look and Remus immediately began to storm back over to the table. He would collect his things and go work in the common room, despite all the noise. He should have known being alone with Sirius this night would do nothing to improve his mood or change what he thought of the idiot.


     "Remus..." Sirius whined, calling out to him.


     "Thought you were just doing your bloody work and that you'd come down sick," Remus muttered under his breath, though loud enough for Sirius to hear across the small dormitory room. "Thought you actually needed help." He laughed coldly. And he collected his things into a stack on the table in order to leave. "I should have known better. That should teach me to be so sympathetic."


     Sirius sat up and held the quill to his nose again. The tip played around his nostrils for a few seconds before he let out another strong sneeze. "HERSchhhhhh!"


     Lifting his things into his arms to leave, Remus looked over at the sound of the sneeze, his eyes fiery.


     "Would you just wait a moment?" Sirius requested, now that he had Remus' attention again. "I was doing work, if you'd just take the time to look." He held up the piece of parchment that had lain in front of him on the bed.


     Utterly frustrated, Remus considered turning his back him and leaving. But instead he darted over and grabbed it. He balanced his books against his body with one arm. "This had better be good," Remus snapped. He held the paper up and read:


This certificate is presented to Mister Moony on this, the eighth day of November in the year nineteen-seventy-six. It attests for posterity that the undersigned, Mister Padfoot, is a right berk. Furthermore, he promises never again to experiment with rockets in the dormitory room where it could potentially break friends' possessions, no matter how great the temptation to do so is and how pretty the sounds and colors are. And it doesn't matter if the items can be repaired because it's still thoughtless and inconsiderate. As punishment, he relinquishes his rights to every one of his desserts for a week and gives Mister Moony first claim to them. He is also dreadfully sorry about taking advantage of Mister Moony's soft spot tonight in order to get his attention and thoroughly appreciates his kindness as well as his hopefully forgiving nature.


It was then signed Padfoot and it sported an inky pawprint beside the name. Beneath that, in smaller writing were the words:


PS- You always forget about the freezing solution because you're allergic to fluxweed and were excused from lessons that day. And while it doesn't actually dissolve a binding spell, it can make the bond brittle enough to allow the objects to be pried apart.


     Remus did his best to hide his emotions and pretend he was still frightfully angry, but a smile broke out on his face anyway. "Remus?" Sirius said, hope in his voice. "I really am awfully sorry."


     Remus looked from the document to Sirius, then folded it and tucked it into his pocket. He sat back down on the end of Sirius' bed. "A freezing solution, huh?"


     Sirius nodded and rubbed at his nose. "Can't use it on anything living, of course. Sniff! And you can use a warming solution to help when you break it apart."


     Reaching over, Remus picked up the quill. He made a note of it on the piece of parchment sticking out of one of his books. Then he eyed the quill before handing it back to Sirius. "You're completely hopeless. You know that, Sirius?"


     Sirius grinned widely. "I know. Sniff! Sniff! Hopeless and sniffly." Quickly he put up his hand. "Entirely my fault! I know already, no need to tell me that."


     Remus laughed and grabbed the tissue box from the bedside table. He threw it at Sirius who half ducked and half fumbled it. The box landed on the bed with a small bounce and they both dove to retrieve it.