Title: Finding the Right One

Author: tarotgal

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauder's year 5)

Spoilers: None

Pairings: pre-Sirius/Remus

Disclaimer: The pups, their friends, and their world are not mine. I regret that I did not think of them first and can only borrow them for measly little fanfics

Summary: Sirius comes down sick. Then there is a cold night and lots of bed-hopping.

Notes: The working title of this was 'Musical Beds'. I still rather like that title, but I think in the end it works best with 'Finding the Right One'. That title makes me think of Goldilocks, which has a similar child-like feeling to playing musical chairs. So there.

This was started on Dec11, then forgotten about completely thanks to my thesis and the winter challenge. It was re-found on Jan 18 and finished a few days later.

Feedback: I'd love some, if you have some

Finding the Right One

     At Hogwarts, the food didn't change. Oh, of course it wasn't the exact same steak and kidney pie every night... and it wasn't even steak and kidney pie every night. Sometimes it was pork chops in sauce or turkey and gravy. But the point is: it was always great food of the highest quality. The house elves, which probably should have been called castle elves really, were as phenomenal at meals as the rest of the things around the school, from cleaning the rooms to laundry services. It was just that such spectacular service was easier to spot when you sat down to a table full of mince pies and treacle tarts. And that never changed.

     However tonight Sirius didn't seem to be quite as appreciative as usual, for the little he took sat in front of him, uneaten. In fact it was virtually untouched, apart from him swirling his spoon around in the onion soup, drowning the baked cheese.

     His friends noticed this, and exchanged looks about what to say to him. And though they all looked similarly perplexed, it was Peter who managed to say something first. "Hey, Sirius. You tried one of these rolls? They're great with jam." Albeit the wrong thing.

     Sirius turned a little green and shook his head, his eyes never leaving the swirling surface of his soup.

     James, sitting next to him, clapped him on the back. "Oy, Mate. What's the matter? Don't tell me you broke up with yet another girl."

     Sirius didn't say anything, but the twitch at the corners of his mouth spoke volumes.

     "Not another one!" exclaimed Remus, failing to restrain a laugh. "How many would that make it? Twenty-eight?"

     His cheeks flushed as he made the mistake of looking up into Remus' eyes. He looked back down immediately. Sirius mumbled something not too polite under his breath and James punched his arm. Rubbing his arm as though in pain, Sirius said more loudly, "Look, I'm just not feeling too good at the moment. Lay off me, would you all?"

     "Aww, but where's the fun in that?" laughed James.

     Sirius grumbled again, going for his glass of cold pumpkin juice. He wasn't really thirsty, and he knew once he started drinking that the cool liquid on his throat would be enough to make him keep going. But he didn't really care. "Bloody rotten group of friends you are. Kick a mate when he's down and..." the goblet was nearly to his lips, but he hesitated. Then, suddenly, he snapped forward with an unexpected sneeze. "hehhh-Yishhhh!"

     "Sirius!" James shouted, pulling back in disgust. "You sneezed on my dessert!" And so he had. He'd also spilled most of his pumpkin juice, primarily over himself and his lap. Sirius sniffled and rubbed a fist at his nose, mumbling an apology. James pushed his food away, still making a face. "Go sit on the other side of the table with Remus and Peter if you're going to sneeze without covering your mouth. Yick!"

     "Sorry," he mumbled again. "Just kinda happened..." Neither Remus nor Peter looked too pleased at the prospect of him settling down beside either of them, so Sirius swung around on the bench and got up. "I'll just bugger off then. Won't bother you lot any more."

     "Siri!" James called, trying to get him back, but Sirius made a quick exit, heading out and up the stairs to the tower. He didn't much care if they believed he hadn't meant to sneeze or not. Truth was, he'd been trying not to sound so sick all evening and it had been a simple slip-up. And he didn't much care about missing the rest of dinner. He wasn't exactly hungry anyway.

     Halfway up the stairs he ran straight into Mrs. Norris. He supposed it was better than running into someone like Professor McGonagall, but it was still more than he felt like dealing with at present. The caretaker's rather frazzled cat eyed him suspiciously. "I'm not doing anything," Sirius explained. But it didn't matter. She seemed to remember a number of times in the past when he had definitely been up to something and had escaped her master's wrath. As her ears flattened and mouth opened to meow, Sirius felt a rush of panic sweep over him. He looked around to be sure there was no one else around, and turned into his animagus form. The big, black dog bore down on Mrs. Norris, and with one snarling growl, the cat took off through the corridor at a run. Sirius transformed back quickly, and continued on up the stairs.

     "heh...YIHShhhh! Yahshhoo!" He didn't bother covering his nose this time either, and a few of the portraits on the wall clucked their tongues at him. "Oh what do you care?" Sirius snapped at the portrait of an old, batty witch in a polka dot dressing gown. "You can't catch a cold from me anyhow." He continued on, ignoring her shrill reply about how that didn't mean he shouldn't have proper care and manners about these things.

     Sirius was so exhausted after the climb that he couldn't think of anything but wrapping up in a warm blanket by the fire and taking a nap. But when he climbed through the portrait hole, he found a number of students sitting by the fire already. Some were doing homework, but more were playing with a deck of exploding snap cards that looked so old and ratty that Sirius wouldn't have wanted to sit within ten feet of it. Sure enough, as he headed up the stairs to his dormitory, he heard such a loud bang he was sure a piece of furniture must have been caught in the explosion.

     Another sneeze coming on, Sirius quickly bounded up the last few stairs to the landing and darted inside, shutting the door to their dormitory room behind him. "hah-YEHShuhhhh! ehhhYihhchooo! Sniff, sniff!" Weary and exhausted, Sirius stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed with the last bit of energy he could muster. "hehhh..." Wishing now he hadn't spent so much energy picking at his dinner, he closed his eyes. "ehhhYIHShahhh! hehhShuhhh!" He sniffed miserably and fell asleep long before the others came up after finishing dinner.

*

     At Hogwarts, the beds were old and warm. While the beds all looked identical, with their four posters and curtains going around the three sides that weren't against the walls, each was actually different from the next. The beds at Hogwarts conformed to their owners, with sheets of fabric the owner liked and blankets just the right thickness. For those who slept with two pillows, two pillows rested against the headboard each night. For those who preferred harder mattresses, harder mattresses they got when they climbed in. Each bed was as unique as its owner, but that didn't necessarily mean it was any better or worse. Simply different. And unchanging for the rest of the years while its student was at the school.

     "Hey, cut it out!" Sirius complained, as the blanket was pulled away and he was exposed to a burst of cold night air.

     "Why don't you?" James retorted. "You're the one who keeps stealing the covers."

     "But I'm cold!" whimpered Sirius. "I need the blankets. If you're so picky, why don't you just go sleep in your own bed?" he muttered, tugging a bit of the blankets back and tucking it beneath him so that it couldn't as easily be stolen again.

     "This is my bed!" James replied.

     "Oh, yeah. That's right." Sirius lifted his hand and rubbed at his nose. "Thanks for letting me stay."

     James laughed and rolled over from his back to his side to look at Sirius as they talked. "Didn't have much of a choice, did I? Came in to find you sleeping here already."

     "Sorry," Sirius murmured, closing his eyes as he felt James' hand feel his forehead and cheeks for fever. "It was closer than mine and the blankets looked so thick and warm... I just couldn't resist."

     "S'okay," James said, petting Sirius' hair back out of his face. "You look like you could use some extra warmth. It's like when we were kids out camping in my parent's backyard, right? Huddled under the sleeping bags together to stay warm."

     "You'd think your parents would have at least lit the fire in the tent's fireplace."

     Laughing, "What, and trust the two of us not to burn it down? My parents have more sense than that!"

     Sirius laughed, too. "Yeah, that's true." Sirius shivered and tugged at the blankets a little more. His nose twitched and the sneezes came quickly. "hehhIhshhhh! ehhhYihshhhhh! EhShuhhh!" He sneezed freely, careful though to miss James with the spray. "hehShehhh! hehYishhhh!"

     James scooted a little closer and let him take more of the covers. "I am sorry you're not feeling well, you know. And... sorry 'bout dinner. I thought you were just... you know, being a drama queen like usual."

     With a grunt, Sirius rolled over onto his side, his back to James. After a few minutes passed, he spoke. "I really did break up with Suzanne, you know."

     James sighed. He took Sirius by the shoulder and pushed him back down against the bed. "Siri, what's with you and these girls? Why can't you just find one and stick with her? Why's it always hot and heavy then thanks but I never want to talk to you again?"

     Sirius shrugged and rubbed more at his nose. "Guess I just haven't found the right one yet." He turned back on his side, hoping the flush in his cheeks was hidden by the darkness of the room. Seconds passed. Minutes passed. And though it wasn't even close to an hour's time, it felt to Sirius like a dozen. Despite being in the bed with his best friend beside him and warm covers all around him, he was still cold, and he was still sniffley. He figured it was mostly due to his fever, but either way, he felt too miserable to get comfortable in bed, let alone sleep.

     "Jamie!" Sirius poked him in the side. He wanted to scoot even closer for warmth, but thought perhaps that might be too close for his friend to handle. "Jamie, I'm cold," he whined.

     James mumbled something and rolled over in bed, taking the blankets with him.

     Sirius sniffled and rubbed his hand at his nose. "hah... hahYeshhhh! Ihhshhhh! Yishuhhh!"

     "Bless you," James said, his mumble a little more pronounced this time. He rolled over in bed, facing Sirius, then rolled Sirius onto his other side. Scooting up behind him, he draped his arm around Sirius and pressed his front against Sirius back. "There, warmer now?"

     Sirius nodded, sniffling. "Getting there." He rubbed his hand against his nose some more, then pulled it away as the sneezes came. "heh-hehIhshhh! YihChhhh!"

     "Bless you," James said, sounding much more awake now. "Come on, Sirius. Try to get to sleep now? It's growing late."

     Sirius coughed. "I've been trying. I'm just cold. And I feel sick. And I'm not being a drama queen," he added before James could say anything about it. "I just feel miserable." He scrubbed the side of his hand beneath his nose. "And don't go mentioning girls again. I don't want to be reminded."

     James chuckled. "All right. I can understand that." He rubbed his hand up and down Sirius' arm and side. "Just get warm enough to fall asleep. That's a good start, okay? I'll stay up and look after you just until you do."

     Sirius sighed, his body relaxing. "Thanks, Jamie. You're good to me."

     James nodded and continued rubbing. Soon Sirius' shivering stopped, and his breathing began to slow. Just as James was about to stop and try to get back to sleep himself, Sirius woke from being on the verge of sleep. He gave a snort and a cough. "James?" he whispered.

     James rolled his eyes. "Yeah? You still cold?"

     Shaking his head, "Nah, I'm getting much warmer finally. But now I'm hungry."

     James had to remember that Sirius was sick, and hadn't eaten much in the way of dinner, in order for him not to say anything too rude. Instead, he suggested, "Go get in Peter's bed if you're hungry. You know he's always got something hidden under his pillow."

     Sirius sniffled and nodded. "Kay, but I'm taking a blanket with me." He grabbed the light one off the top and wrapped it around his otherwise nearly naked self before crossing the room.

     It was dark, with moonlight shining in as but a sliver. Though still warmed by the blanket around his shoulders, the stone floor was like ice to his feet, and he crossed the room quickly, hopping up onto the bed before he could be invited. "Pete!" he whispered, shaking the softly snoring boy so that he snorted and stirred. "I'm cold. Can I sleep in here with you?"

     Groggily, Peter nodded and lifted the covers so Sirius could climb under them. "Thanks," Sirius whispered. The sheets were cold at first, but Peter was warm beneath them, and soon the warmth spread throughout Sirius, including his feet. "Hey, Pete, I'm hungry. You don't have something to eat, do you?"

     Peter sighed and reached under his pillow. "I should have known that's why you're here and not in James' bed," Peter mumbled. He pulled out a tin which had a large amount of peanut brittle and some sweet cakes. "Eat whatever you want, but I expect you to pay me back for it next Hogsmede weekend."

     "Yeah, sure, Pete," Sirius said, shoving one of the cakes into his mouth and eating hungrily. "Thanks."

     Peter did not reply, but a few seconds later a snore broke the silence. Sirius sniffled and scooted over a little closer to him. Peter seemed warmer than James somehow. Or perhaps it was just the food that made him feel so warm. He polished off all but the last few pieces of peanut brittle, and shoved it back under Peter's pillow. He wondered how Peter could sleep with such a hard thing under it, but his friend didn't seem much to mind and snuggled up to his pillow as though knowing it was back in its rightful place.

     Sirius pulled the covers up past his shoulders, over his mouth, to his nose. He was shivering a little, still, and could do with a nice cup of hot chocolate or a hot water bottle or something. His wand lay somewhere on the floor with the rest of his discarded clothing, but he couldn't quite remember any spells to warm blankets or conjure warm drinks from out of nowhere, so it wasn't much of a loss anyway.

     "heh-YIHShhhh! Yehshhuhh! Sniff!"

     "Hey, Sirius. D'you think you could sneeze a little more quietly? I can't get back to sleep."

     "SNIFF! Sorry, Pete." Sirius rubbed at his nose and turned onto his side, snuffling into the pillow. Peter's pillows were a lot firmer than he was used to, but it was quite cozy and warm beneath the covers. "I'll try to be miserable silently from now... heh... now on-hah-Ehfshhh!" He tried to stifle the sneeze, but it was too strong. It popped his ears painfully and he vowed not to try that again.

     Peter said something through his yawn, and snuggled the covers closer, preparing to get back to sleep now.

     "ehhh-YIHShhhhh!"

     "Sirius!" he complained, pulling the pillow over his head. "Can't you just go back to James' bed? Or sleep with Remus for a little while, even? I'm not getting any sleep like this!"

     "Sorry," Sirius sniffled. "I'll try to be quieter--"

     "You shake the bed when you sneeze." Peter groaned and nudged him. "Go on, please?"

     Reluctantly, Sirius gathered up the blanket he'd stolen from James and wrapped up in it again. He thought momentarily of taking a piece of peanut brittle over to Remus' to pretend to bargain his way into bed. But when it came down to it, he wasn't really sure Remus would want him so close even with peanut brittle as a reward. So Sirius stood in the middle of their room, shaking with cold, sniffling back his running nose, trying to decide where to go. He rubbed his hands up and down his arms. "Warm up!" he whispered to himself, pulling the blanket closer. He couldn't understand why he was so incredibly shivery now but thought it might have to do with the fact that Remus was so close. He could conceivably climb back into bed with James. That hadn't gone too badly. James might even take pity on him and warm him up a little more. But that meant more fighting over the covers and he probably wouldn't get much sleep anyway. Not to mention keeping James up with his sneezes the way he had Peter. The common room would surely be deserted by now. Perhaps he could find a seat by the fire there to curl up on.

     Thinking mildly that he should probably find his wand while making up his mind, he started walking around the room, looking for his discarded clothes. He wasn't very steady on his feet as he walked across the room, and wasn't entirely sure he'd make it down to the common room without tripping and falling down the stairs. Not to mention waking up in only his underwear there with girls surrounding him. And possibly Suzanne, too. He shivered violently at the thought and closed his eyes as dizziness overtook him.

     A pair of hands grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him up just as his knees buckled. "What do you think you're doing out of bed, Sirius?" a voice asked in a soft, kind whisper.

     His head spinning and full of congestion, the voice seemed a long way off. He murmured something about his robe or a wand or something.

     "You mean this wand?" said the voice, and a smooth piece of wood was pressed into his hand. "Don't worry now. It's safe. Come on, you need to be in bed or you're liable to collapse." Sirius shook his head to refuse, still trying to decide what to do. But the hands were firm and led him onward. The next thing he knew, he was tucked beneath the blankets of Remus' bed with Remus climbing in next to him. Sirius tried to get up. "Oh no you don't," Remus said, holding him down. "You're running a fever and you're not to get up until you stop shivering at the very least."

     His teeth chattering, Sirius tried again to get up. "I'm n-n-ot-t sh-shiv-er-ing--"

     "Oh Sirius, come on now," Remus said through laughs, holding him down still. "You're sick." He gently brushed his hand over Sirius' forehead. "And you're hurting. I can tell."

     Remus could tell, apparently. Sirius went red and tried to turn away, but Remus still had a hold on his shoulders. "R-Remus..." he started, but didn't know how to finish it. He closed his eyes tightly, hoping it would all go away.

     Remus sighed, understanding, and released him. "I see," he whispered. He sat for a moment, thinking things through. He looked down, the pale eyes tightly closed, the look of pain, the jaw vibrating from the cold. It was an inner pain. The sort a bunch of blankets could not help with. With a sigh, Remus released Sirius. "Maybe I should--"

     "heh-IHShhhh! Yeshuhhh! Hih-YEHChuhhh!" The bed did indeed shake when he sneezed. And the sneezes seemed to take everything out of him. It was all he could do to raise a hand and rub at his nose.

     "Bless you," Remus whispered, pulling his tissue box over to his lap and handing a few tissues to Sirius. Sirius, looking pained in more ways now, gave his nose a weak, one-handed blow. Then coughed at the congestion he still felt and sighed. Remus couldn't help but brush Sirius' cheek gently as he withdrew his hand, and knew at once he shouldn't have done so. Sirius jumped at the touch, and his teeth started chattering all the more.

     "Yes," Remus said to himself. "Yes, I think I really should go. Ah, maybe sleep in your bed. Or with--"

     "Remus?" Sirius said softly, forcing his eyes to meet Remus'. "You're starting to sound a lot like me now."

     "Yeah..." Remus ran his hand through is hair nervously. "Yeah, well... it's my own fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have said something about it. Should have just left it all alone." With nothing else he could do, he slipped out of bed, tucking the covers around Sirius. "Stay in bed, all right? Until your fever goes down at least. I don't want to have to worry about you stumbling around and collapsing." Remus pulled his own wand out from beneath the pillow and performed a spell which warmed the covers. Then he headed across the room to Sirius' empty bed.

     Still made from the previous morning, Remus pulled back the covers of the bed and crawled in. From the moment his head hit the pillow, he knew he had made a mistake. He could hear Sirius sneezing from across the room, though the sound was muffled. Sirius sounded terrible, and there was nothing now Remus could do about it. Nothing Sirius wanted him to do about it. But apart from simply worrying about Sirius being left alone, Remus knew choosing Sirius' empty bed to sleep in was the wrong choice. Everything from Sirius' sheets to his pillow smelled like him. And to Remus, whose werewolf senses made the scent much stronger, he could smell nothing but Sirius surrounding him. And while, on any normal night he might have considered it a fantasy, this was not any normal night and he was already beating himself up about the whole situation as it was.

     After hearing Sirius sneeze and cough again, and having to lie helplessly across the room, Remus crawled out of bed. Instead of going over to Sirius, he headed over to James' bed. "James?" he whispered, pulling back the hangings just a little. "Can I bunk with you tonight? Sirius has my bed and I want him to be comfortable."

     Sleepily, James nodded and scooted over. Though Remus could smell Sirius there, as well, it wasn't quite so bad. Remus sighed and let his head sink into the pillow. James scooted up behind him and put his arm around Remus. "You're freezing, Mate."

     "It's cold tonight," Remus replied, snuggling back against James for warmth. But James' wasn't the arm he wanted around him. As the touch and the scent and the warmth all overpowered him, he wanted desperately for James to lean forward more and whisper in his ear that Sirius would come to understand, and in time things would right themselves. That things would eventually be as they had been before Remus had gone and confused things. But James did not know. It had been hard enough to admit his feelings to Sirius, let alone confess to the others. They did not know and did not need to know. And as much good as the comfort from James would have been, it would not be worth the confession.

     Remus' eyes filled with tears, and he turned his face into the pillow to hide them from sight. Every month Remus made it through some of the worst torture imaginable without a single tear. He didn't need to go showing his sensitive side on this account. Not when there was nothing to be done about it.

     "Remus?" James whispered concernedly. "Something wrong? Not coming down with Sirius' cold, are you?"

     Shaking his head and clearing his throat was his answer. "I'm sorry," Remus whispered. He pulled his head up and wiped his arm over his face before the tears could be seen. "I'll go sleep with Peter instead. Sorry to have bothered you." He bolted from the bed quickly, though James protested that he didn't mind and they could talk out whatever was bothering Remus.

     Peter was easier to sleep with. Peter was oblivious to things half the time, and Peter didn't ask the sorts of questions Remus didn't want to have to answer. Peter knew what it was like to be the downfallen, to be the rejected. And Peter didn't want to discuss that, especially late at night or early in the morning, depending upon how you wanted to look at it. "Peter?" Remus whispered, standing by his blond friend's bed and ignoring the sounds of James calling out his name and Sirius snuffling and coughing. "Peter can I--"

     "Hop in," grumbled Peter, lifting the covers in invitation, then rolling back over. As Peter slept curled in a ball, or as close to it as was humanly possible, there was lots of room for Remus. He lay on his back, staring up at the bed's maroon canopy, which appeared black in the dark. After a while, he could hear deep, restful breaths across the room in the direction of James' bed. Not long after that, came snores from the direction of his own bed.

     Sirius was asleep. He never snored in his sleep unless he was ill. And while it wasn't good to know Sirius was ill, the sound of his snores meant that at least he was getting some much needed rest. More of a rest than Remus was getting now, at any rate. Something in his chest tugged at him, making the emotions rush forward again. He was silly, he knew, to feel so strongly about this just now when the true heartbreak had been days ago. He had told himself then, and every day since then, that he was over it. That what was done was done and now they could forget it and go on being friends like always. But the look on Sirius' face this night at the prospect of sharing Remus' bed had been too much to handle, too much for Remus to now resist reacting to. Without meaning to, and perhaps now that he knew both James and Sirius were asleep, Remus let his tears go. Silent tears turned quickly to sobs, and the sobs seemed to come in time to Sirius' rhythmic snoring. He turned on his side to hide his emotions from Peter, but the breathing, shaking, and sniffling was enough of an indication.

     "Remus?" came Peter's voice, deep, slow, and tired.

     "I'm sniff, sniff, I'm okay," he answered, rubbing his hand over each cheek to dry it. "Don't worry about me. Just go to sleep."

     "I'm trying," Peter replied, pausing a moment to yawn fiercely. "But you're crying too loudly. Think you can keep it down a bit? And try not to shake the bed so much?"

     Remus sniffled and sat up. This wouldn't work either. James had been sympathetic but too inquisitive, whereas Peter didn't ask but neither did he seem to care that his bedmate was sobbing. "Oh, s-sorry," he said, and pulled out of Peter's bed as well.

     He stood indecisively in the center of the room, just as he'd seen Sirius do earlier. For a moment, for a brief shining moment of hopefulness, he thought perhaps if he stood there for a minute longer, Sirius might poke his head out of the hangings around Remus' bed and ask him to come back. Or that Sirius might catch him from behind with his strong arms and pull him back to bed, tucking him beneath just as Remus had done with Sirius. But minutes ticked by, and he could hear that all three of his roommates were sound asleep. Distraught and resigned not to get any sleep this night anyway, Remus threw himself onto Sirius' bed. He hugged a pillow to his chest and curled up under the covers. After crying, his nose was stuffed and in good need of a blow, but it meant he couldn't smell Sirius all over the bed. And the lack of that was what seemed to help him fall back to sleep finally.

*

     At Hogwarts, and especially in the Gryffindor tower, nights were cold and dark. The stone floors and walls seemed to generate cold and drive all heat out of existence. Even the few rugs on the floor and tapestries on the walls did little to trap heat and hold it. Far above the ground, there were no birds singing to welcome the approaching dawn. And on the boys' side of the tower, the windows caught only the afternoon light, never that of the morning. So it always seemed much too early to get up, no matter what time it was.

     However, Remus woke so early this morning that it was still very dark out and not at all time to get up and out of bed for a shower and breakfast. His eyes stung painfully, and his nose was still a bit stuffed. They made him think of Sirius, and thinking of Sirius made him worry about how Sirius was feeling now. There were no snores from across the room to tell him Sirius was resting peacefully.

     "Sorry," came a soft whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you."

     Remus rolled over in bed, opening his eyes. The back which was towards him was a familiar one, and the black hair was unmistakable. "Sirius?" Remus whispered. "What are you doing here?"

     Sirius rolled over in bed, sniffling, with a finger rubbing under his nose. "Well, I was sleeping," he whispered back. "But then I started sneezing and I didn't want to wake you so I was trying not to... not to... ehhh... ihhYishhhh!" He sniffled and rubbed his finger more under his nose. "Looks like I failed at both." He sniffed again, his nostrils flaring. "Sorry. I'm just feeling so sneezey."

     "It's all right," Remus said, looking around for a tissue box. Sirius apparently didn't seem to have one by his bed. So he fished around in his pajama pockets and pulled one out. "You're sick. It's okay, you know. Just..." A flush was growing in his cheeks, and he could feel the warmth on his face, which only made him shyer. "Just why're you here? I thought you were over in my bed tonight."

     "I was," Sirius said, nodding. He rubbed his nose into the tissue conservatively, understanding it was the only one he had now, but glad to have it. "But I missed my own bed," Sirius replied.

     Remus looked a bit confused at this response. "No," he whispered. "No you didn't. Not when you had my nice fluffy pillows and heavy comforter. No way."

     Sirius sighed. "All right. I got cold."

     Having been out of bed enough to know the coldness of the night and the room, it was a perfectly believable excuse. Still, Remus narrowed his eyes. "What's the real reason?" he asked plainly.

     Sirius looked away for a moment, pretending to have another tickle in his nose. Remus didn't buy that either and propped himself up on an elbow, looking down at Sirius. "I don't know, all right?" Sirius said finally. "I guess I just... I got to thinking about it all and I came over." He sighed and rubbed the tissue against his nose again.

     Biting his lip so hard he nearly drew blood, "Thinking... about it?" Sirius' cold was put out of Remus' mind. The cold night itself was forgotten. All that mattered were Sirius' words, and the reason he had willingly crawled into bed with Remus.

     "Look," Sirius said slowly, trying to approach the topic with care. "What's said is said. There's no need to go through it all again and hurt each other again. But we can't take it back. And as much as I've tried to forget it, I can't do that, either." Remus flushed so red that he felt he needed to get up and put a cool compress on his face. The more he laid beside Sirius, listening to him talk about this, watching Sirius struggle for the words, the worse he got. But he could not close his ears or look away. Sirius, on the other hand, broke eye contact to turn his head and sneeze. "ihhhChuhhhh! ehhYushhhhh! ihhYshuhhh!" Afterwards, he rubbed the tissue against his nose. "Sorry... feeling sneezey. Like I said."

     Remus shook his head. "We don't have to talk about this now. We don't have to talk about it ever. I mean, we promised we wouldn't--"

     "I lied," Sirius replied flatly.

     "Sirius..." Remus continued to shake his head. "You don't know what you're saying. You're sick. You're feverish." Remus reached up and ran his hand over Sirius' forehead, feeling the heat and sweat upon it. But Remus was warm, too. Burning, in fact. "You're..." Remus pulled his hand away. The touch was too tempting. Skin against skin. It was more than he could stand. "You're just coming off a bad break up," he said. "So now's not the time."

     Sirius shook his head. "Bad break up, yeah. Except it's not really that bad. Why do you think I've gone out with so many girls?" Sirius asked in the tone of someone who already knows the proper answer and hopes the other person answers properly.

     With a shrug. "I suppose you're just doing what everyone does. You're trying to find the right one."

     Sirius beamed with gratitude at Remus' answer. "Yeah," Sirius replied. "Well, to tell you the truth, I think I already found the right one." Cautiously, Sirius reached out and cupped one of Remus' hands in his own. "I just had to admit it to myself."

     Flushed and hot beyond belief, Remus shivered as a sudden chill raced through him. Sirius' hands squeezed his. Then Sirius began to move, pulling himself up to sit, and leaning forward. Remus' heartbeat was racing, along with his breathing. He started to pull back, but Sirius put a hand against his back. Sirius' fingers twitched, and gently pushed him forward. "Sirius..." Remus objected quickly. "You're sick, and--"

     "Do you mind my germs, Remus Lupin?" Sirius asked, his voice soft and suave. But not quite the way he spoke to his girlfriends. There was something different about it. Some desperation and desire that was new to this moment. "Because I very much wish to kiss you."

     Remus studied his face for a moment, then took his eyes off Sirius to be sure no one else was around to see. Quickly he leaned forward and closed his eyes.

     It was not a soft peck as Remus had been expecting. Far from it, in fact. The pressure against his lips was warm and strong, and remained rather than withdrew. Sirius' lips were slightly wet, and tender, much unlike how Remus had imagined them. And as the kiss went on, he suddenly realized he did not want it to stop. He dreaded what might happen when it ended. He dreaded having to speak of the kiss, and of his feelings. He dreaded the fact that Sirius might not like it, now that he had a taste.

     But it ended, as all things did, and abruptly at that. Sirius pulled away, turning his head, snuffling and coughing. Remus coughed once as well. "Sorry," Sirius apologized. "I can't breathe through my nose very well. It's all stuffed up."

     Remus gave a weak smile. His was as well. "Would you like me to go get the tissues?" Remus asked, looking over towards his own bed.

     Shaking his head, Sirius squeezed Remus' hand again, and only then did Remus realize Sirius was still touching him. He took Sirius' hand and squeezed it back. Remus did not want to speak of the kiss, but his confusion overpowered him. "Sirius," he said slowly. "When we spoke before, you said- I mean, we agreed- that we wouldn't do anything to risk straining our friendship."

     Sirius rubbed his finger under his nose, sniffling. He did seem to need the tissues, but his present needs were more pressing. "Did you not feel the strain on it earlier?" Remus was forced to admit he had. "Look, I know what we said days ago. And I don't want to lose you as a friend. But I don't want to lose you as a lover before I even know you as one."

     Remus' face burned with heat, and he looked away. "If you're having a go at me, Sirius Black. I swear I'll--"

     "I'm not!" Sirius replied, shaking his head emphatically. "Please, Remus. Nothing has ever been clearer to me. Nothing has ever felt so right. I've never felt like this for any of those girls."

     Remus was still hesitant, not wanting to believe it, for fear that it would not last, or that it would indeed ruin them both. "You're... you're feverish," Remus tried again.

     "I may be," Sirius replied. "But this is clear to me now. Why do you think I broke it off with Suzanne? Why do you think I was moping around all evening, scared to look at you?" Remus could not find an answer, or could not voice it even if he did find one. His mouth hung half-open, his breathing fast, shaky. Sirius quickly leaned forward again and kissed him. This one was shorter, yes, but harder, stronger, more passionate. Remus leaned into it, kissing back. When they pulled away, and Sirius snuffled against the now balled-up tissue Remus had given him, Sirius whispered. "Give us a chance? Come on... what do you say?"

     Remus could say nothing. It took considerable effort to simply breathe. He could only nod. Nod and whimper. He fell into Sirius' arms, bare and strong, for a warm hug. They held each other for a while, each head resting on the other's shoulder, their bodies pressed close. Then Sirius pulled back, a hand to his face. "ehhhIHHShhhh! ehhYeshhh! yehkShuhhhh!" He sniffled and tried to wipe his nose so that he didn't at least look too badly. "Sorry," he said. "Sneezey."

     Remus got up at once and darted across the room. He returned with his arms around a comforter, a few pillows, and the box of tissues. He handed the tissues to Sirius, and pulled off one layer of blanket while placing his comforter in its place. "Don't know what I was thinking," Remus muttered, wrapping the blanket around Sirius' shoulders. "Letting you sit here all this time without a shirt on." He flushed again as his eyes caught Sirius' and then flashed down at the young man's bare chest. "Okay, maybe I do know what I was thinking. But the point is, you could have caught a chill, gotten pneumonia, and died."

     Sirius put on one of his grins. And one of Sirius' grins was not a thing to take lightly. "I wouldn't care if I'd died, so long as you were here with me."

     Another chill raced through Remus, and he looked away, blushing, pulling the covers up and putting the pillows in place.

     "What, am I going too fast? Is it too soon for me to be making sappy confessions like that?"

     Remus nodded silently, though he was grinning as well.

     "Ah, well, you tell me when I can say them. And until then, I'll just think them to myself."

     Remus shook his head, still grinning madly. He doubted that he'd be able to stop grinning for days at this rate. He knew Sirius was suave. He knew Sirius had a quick wit and so much more experience in these matters than he. "Merlin, Sirius, are you like this with all the girls?"

     After a brief pause, in which Sirius' grin faded to only a smile, "Actually, no. I'm not." Shocked, Remus shivered again. "Come on, under the covers. It's cold," Sirius said, misinterpreting the shiver and tugging him beneath.

     Beneath the covers, they hesitated awkwardly for a moment, not sure how to lie there, or where to touch. The fact that Sirius was wearing virtually nothing made it no easier. But when Sirius sneezed again, "heh-heh-EHHChishhhh!" Remus sprang into action, handing him a tissue, tucking him in, and hugging him gently in comfort. Sirius shivered and snuggled closer.

     "You're sick, and it's still early yet," Remus whispered. "You should try to get some more sleep."

     But Sirius shook his head. He reached out and took Remus in his arms, in a tight, secure hug. "I don't want to sleep," he whispered back. "I'm afraid I'll wake up and you'll be back in your own bed."

     "Don't be afraid of that," said Remus, though he was shaking a bit himself. He reached out to return the hug, but Sirius pulled away, his breath hitching.

     His eyes squinted shut, and his nostrils twitched. "hah-YEHShhhh! Yihshuhh!" He sneezed freely. "Sorry," he said, rubbing a finger at his nose. "Ruining the mood here."

     Remus shook his head. "Not at all." He pulled Sirius close, cradling him tenderly, rubbing his nose dry for him. "You don't have to sleep if you don't want to," Remus told him. "But I'll be here when you wake. I promise." He ran his hand up and down Sirius' back, then through Sirius' hair.

     Sirius froze a moment, not quite used to the touch. But there seemed no better time to start getting used to it than now. He snuggled close and buried his face in Remus' chest. "I can hear your heart beating," he whispered.

     No stranger to blushing this night, Remus turned his face into the pillow with a smile. "I'm sorry. I'm sure it's racing wildly." Nervous and excited all at once, it was hard to keep from bursting into laughter and happy tears, let alone keep his heart calm.

     Sirius nuzzled his chest, then placed a hand upon it. "It's a comforting sound."

     Remus' smile was still present as he pulled his face out of the pillow. "So are your snores."

     "Well then... I'd better go to sleep like you suggested, or you'll miss out." Remus chuckled and Sirius closed his eyes. "This is nice, you know." He sighed. "Being here with you. I wasn't exactly sure what it'd be like. I mean, at first I sort of expected it to be just like sharing a bed with James or Peter, you know?" As Sirius opened his eyes to get the answer, Remus nodded. "But it's not. It's different. It's nice. It's better. And you make me warm all over without having to try." He closed his eyes tightly with an embarrassed laugh. "I'm sorry. I'm getting sappy again. I'll stop talk--"

     Remus caught him in another kiss, this one soft all the way through. Soft and tender. The sort of goodnight kiss that was shared by lovers who fully expected to be together when they woke. "Go to sleep, Sirius. There will be time for talking later."

     Sirius nodded and settled in to fall asleep, with a deep breath and a few coughs to clear his throat. But he opened one eye and looked up at Remus. "You sure you're not going anywhere now?"

     "I'm staying right here and taking care of you," Remus replied, pulling out two tissues to have ready just in case.

     "Thanks," he whispered, going tense against Remus. "Because I..." His lower lip twitched and his mouth hung open as he drew a sharp breath. "hehYihshhh! Ihhetchhhhh! ihhhKshhhh! hehhhYIHshhhhh!" He sneezed into the tissues as Remus held them in place, then wiped his nose for him. "Sorry," he breathed. "I'm just--"

     "Sneezey," Remus said, smiling. "I know. Just relax. I don't mind looking after you."

     Sirius sighed deeply. "You're sure this isn't just a dream?"

     With a laugh, "Mmm, pretty sure. You never kiss that well in my dreams."

     Both eyes closed, nuzzling comfortably against Remus, Sirius smiled. "Well, then. I'll have to do my best to see that fantasy Sirius starts living up to expectations, now that you've had the real thing." He gave a bit of a yawn. "Just wait until you feel how I kiss when I don't have a cold."

     Remus kissed his warm forehead and hugged him close. "I can hardly wait."

     As Sirius fell asleep against him, Remus stayed awake, petting and caressing. He felt a bit silly, after all the reassurance he had given Sirius. But now that Sirius was in bed with him and throwing himself at Remus past the friendship they'd decided upon, it was hard to fall asleep and miss a moment of it. As the snoring started, he pushed aside the bangs, plastered to Sirius' sweaty forehead, and kissed again. Sirius stirred lightly. "Mmmm... Remus," he muttered in his sleep.

     Remus grinned. "Certainly took you long enough, Sirius," he whispered back. After all the ache and emotion, after all the hopping from bed to bed to find a place he could rest, it was when he stopped searching and stopped wanting to rest that he found the one he'd been looking for as well.