"And it will
be a prank no one will forget," said Sirius, grinning.
"All
right," said James, rubbing sweaty palms on his robe-covered thighs. "Let's go
over it one last time before we head out."
Sirius
groaned. He was rubbing his hand against a thigh as well: Remus' thigh. "Prongs,
we've already been through it twice now. I think we've got it down pat."
"Excellent,"
James replied. "Then it should not take long to go through it once more." He
cleared his throat. "So, first we assemble the benches and transfigure them
into a large platform. Then..." he trailed off leadingly.
Peter
jumped in with much enthusiasm. "Then Remus and I jump on top of it with the
ropes. We will wait for James and Sirius to raise it into the air and we keep
our balance."
James
nodded. "And then...?" He looked over at Sirius, waiting for the young man to
jump in with the next bit.
Sirius,
however, was not paying attention. At least, not to the
conversation. He had a hand up Remus' robes and his face was nuzzled
close against Remus' neck and chin. He was murmuring something that was making
Remus blush and grin wildly.
"Padfoot! Moony!" James moaned. "Stop
fooling around with each other! This is it, the grandest, most incredible prank
we've ever pulled. It's our last year and our last New Year's and we want to
start it off properly. There's no room for a botched job here, Mates."
"Oh, James,"
Sirius said with a sigh. He pulled away from Remus, albeit reluctantly. "We'll
pull this off. Always do. And Lily'll know it was you
and be incredibly impressed and throw herself at you like you hope."
James
scowled, but Sirius wasn't exactly exaggerating much. "Still, I think it would
help if the two of you stopped snogging long enough for us to get this worked
out."
"We have it worked out," Sirius insisted. "Prongs,
you're getting the Gryffindors and bowls. I'm Hufflepuffs and plates. Moony's
got the Ravenclaws and cups. Wormtail targets the
Slytherins and butter knives. And whoever finishes first starts on the
teapots."
Peter
crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't see why I have to do the Slytherins."
"Sniff! Because we know how much you'll
like getting back at them for that incident a few weeks ago in the halls," said
Remus, trying to distract Peter from the real reason. Peter's assignment was
loads easier than any of the others and there was no way even he, as a seventh
year, could mess up a second year transfiguration spell.
"Right,"
James said with a nod. "Do we have everything we need? Map?"
"Check!"
Peter said, bubbly and excited again. He proceeded to check off the rest of the
supplies, one-by-one, from ropes to the invisibility cloak.
"And we all
have our wands?" James asked, being extra thorough. He brandished his own.
"I have
mine!" Peter said perkily.
There was
silence where there should have been two similar confirmations. But Peter and
James looked over to see Sirius and Remus snogging again. Remus had his hands
on either side of Sirius' head, his fingers tangled in the jet black hair, and
had his head tilted to the side as he kissed with an open mouth. Sirius met his
with moving lips and a warm, wet tongue. His own hands were on Remus' hips,
moving inward ever so slightly towards Remus' crotch.
"Argh!" James cried, hanging his
head at the sight.
Sirius
pulled back, a blissful expression plastered on his face. "Sorry," he said
dreamily. "But you know how I get when it comes to making mischief..."
James
sighed and picked his cloak up off the floor of their dormitory room. He took
the map as well and glanced at it. "The coast is clear. Filch and his cat are
on the other side of the castle and Peeves is with the Baron in the astronomy
tower." He rolled up the map, not bothering to wipe it first as they'd have to
watch it closely while on the move anyway. he stood
and looked down at his friends, who were all but sitting in each other's laps. "Just
try to keep it in your pants and keep silent, all right? The last thing we need
is to be found out. If they can't find us, they can't pin it on us, no matter
how much they might want to. And this prank is just too brilliant."
They all
agreed, collecting their things, and moved quietly out of their room and out of
Gryffindor tower. James, with the map, took the lead. He was closely followed
by Peter, nervous as always about being caught out of their beds and roaming
the halls in the middle of the night. Sirius, however, seemed suave and relaxed
about it, and one could tell how much he was enjoying himself. Remus brought up
the rear and though he kept up with them for the most part, he hung back a few
times.
Naturally,
Sirius noticed this. He glanced back to see Remus further away than he should
be and frowned. He headed back to him, but his look of confusion turned into
one of concern as he saw Remus rub his nose, and then sneeze. Twice.
"hihhShh! ehhhChh!"
Remus pulled out a hanky and rubbed at his nose. "Excuse me," he whispered, now
that someone was beside him to excuse himself to.
"Are you
feeling all right?" Sirius asked with a unique sort of worry in his voice. Practically
the only time Sirius ever sounded worried was when speaking of Remus' health. He
laid a hand on Remus' arm.
Remus
shrugged and reassuringly covered Sirius' hand with one of his own. "To be
honest, I feel perfectly find. I've been sniffling a lot today... and sneezing a
little bit. But I don't really feel like I have a cold. It's very strange... but
maybe it's just the cold temperatures making my nose run?"
"Maybe,"
Sirius agreed with a nod. "When we're done here I'll have to see about warming
you up... properly..." He kissed Remus' nose, and then kissed him on the lips. "Besides,
we're always kissing. If you're sick, I would be, too."
"You're
probably right," Remus agreed, though he did so between hard sniffs and wiped
his nose with the hanky afterwards. "Come on, we'd better catch up before James
starts fuming again." They hurried along down the dark hallway towards the
stairs and took them all the way down.
They found
the Great Hall as empty as the map had claimed. It was emptier than normal,
still, as the five long tables had been cleared away to various sides of the
room to make room for a smaller table with chairs that would seat everyone who
had stayed at Hogwarts during the winter holiday. There were, perhaps, forty
students and another fifteen or so staff members, so one table was sufficient
for everything. This worked delightfully well for the Marauder's plan and the
four of them sprang into action.
Peter, as
always, stood watch with the map just in case. The others used a bit of magic
to round up two of the long benches that usually sat at the house tables. The items
still dragged on the floor with a loud, irritating scraping sound. They all
seemed a bit on edge at the noise, and rightfully so. "Filch is coming!" Peter
hissed in warning.
Luckily,
they were prepared. All four of them dove beneath the invisibility cloak. James
raised his wand and motioned towards the pepper shaker. It tipped off the table
and, as directed by James', spelled out a message on the floor. It came to rest
just as the doors flew open and Filch burst in.
The
Marauders all tensed up, holding their breaths so they would not be heard by
the scarily attentive caretaker. Remus, however, went one step further and
pinched his nose. Sirius noticed and put his arm around Remus concernedly. Remus
looked apologetically back at him, lips pursed and breath
held, holding back the tickles in his nose.
"What's
going on here!" Filch yelled, looking around to see
the tables and benches out of place. But then his eyes rested on the message:
PEEVES WOZ HERE "Peeves!" he called, his hands curling into clenched fists. "Oh,
I'll get you this time!" The pepper trailed off towards one wall, hinting at
Peeves' direction of escape. Filch noticed this and took off down the corridor.
Remus
immediately cupped his hands to his face. "hehhh..."
"Remus?" James asked, throwing the cloak off.
All eyes
were on Remus. "ihhh-ihhh-HIHHHhhhhh..." He froze a moment, then pitched
forward. "EHHChuhh!"
"Bless
you," said Peter. James and Sirius just stared at Remus, questions in their
eyes.
"Sorry,"
Remus said, sniffling. "I suddenly really had to sneeze all of a sudden... must
have been the pepper." After all the movement, the scent was in the air. It
made sense for Remus to feel it more than the others, what with his werewolf
senses.
"It's all
right," James said. "We didn't get caught. Just... just try not sneeze while we're transfiguring the benches. We've got to
have silence or it could go dangerously wrong. All right?"
Remus
nodded. He did not think much of this nod of a promise when he made it, but
minutes later, just as Sirius and James were about to perform the
transfiguration spell, panic ran through him. He felt another sneeze coming on and
immediately covered his nose and mouth with both hands. He tried to hold his
breath, but such a thing seemed impossible just now. His ragged breathing was
silent, though, and Remus struggled to keep his eyes open so he could determine
when Sirius and James were finished.
The spell
was a slow one, as Sirius and James had to be precise in their wording and
synchronous in their chanting. "hehh!" Remus gasped ever so softly, the sound muffled in his hands. He
felt the sneeze tickling madly in his nose, but he was resolute and would not
sneeze until it was safe to do so.
The second
the benches were transfigured into a large, sturdy platform, Remus could hold
the sneezes back no longer. "ehhhCHHHH! ehhhChuhhh!
Ehhh-hehhh-hihh-CHISHH!"
All three
of his friends were staring at him this time. And after checking to be sure the
platform was still fine, Remus said a soft, "Excuse me."
"That
wasn't because of pepper." James walked over, looking just short of
confrontational. "Are you sick?"
Remus
shrugged and shook his head. "I don't think I am. I don't feel sick. I feel fine, I really do. Sniff! Sniff! Except for a runny nose and some
sneezing."
"So you
still want to go through with this?" James asked, looking as though he didn't
really want to hear that Remus didn't.
"I absolutely still want to go through with
this," Remus said as reassuringly as possible. He picked up some of the rope,
stepped up onto the platform, and laid himself flat upon it. Peter did
likewise.
Without
hesitation, Sirius and James levitated the whole platform into the air. Remus,
with a little help from Peter who seemed quite skittish to be up so high,
fastened the ropes from the platform to the ceiling, securing it in place
without the need for magic. A long-lasting cloaking spell provided them with
the perfect hiding place, high above the Great Hall.
"Oy, how's it going up there?" Sirius called from the floor,
looking up at the nothingness where his friends should have been.
All of a
sudden, Remus' head-- and just his head-- came out of nowhere. "We're fine! We'll
be ready for you in a second. Hang on."
Sirius
rubbed his arm, feeling disconcerted to speak with the disembodied head of his
boyfriend. He was almost relieved when Remus vanished from sight and a rope
appeared in his place, seemingly lowered from nowhere.
It allowed Sirius
and James to climb all the way up to the platform. The pair was breathless and
exhausted when they arrived at the top, though Sirius still managed to kiss
Remus hello.
And Remus
managed to kiss back, even though he pulled away at the tail end of it to
sneeze. "ehhh-hihhh..."
He gave them all an apologetic look, and dug a handkerchief out of his pocket
to rub at his nose. "hihhhh-ihhh-heh-IH-" He paused a moment, on the verge,
then was thrown forward. "IHChihhh!" The whole platform rocked slightly from the force, and
Peter whimpered. But it was secure and they were safe. "Sorry," Remus
apologized promptly, just the same.
"You're sure you're all right?" squeaked Peter
nervously.
Remus
nodded back. He couldn't blame them for doubting. He was
doubting himself at the moment, to be quite honest. "Sniff! I think so," he said. "Apart from
the sniffles, I feel fine. Exhausted, but fine."
"Well it is nearly morning and we have been up all night," Sirius
reasoned. "I've seen Peter yawn at least ten times."
"Have not!"
Peter said, clearly fighting back another yawn that had presented itself thanks
to Sirius' mention of the action.
"We've got
a little more than an hour until breakfast," James said, regarding his pocket watch.
"You lot should try to take a nap. I'm too excited and anxious to fall asleep
right now. I'll wake you when breakfast starts."
So Remus
stretched out on his side, snuggled up beside Sirius and with his head on
Sirius' chest. Peter curled in on himself, giving a violent yawn and closing
his eyes at once. Sirius petted Remus' head a few times and closed his own
eyes, but did not get much sleep. He was just as anxious as James but didn't
want Remus staying awake with worry, so pretended to be relaxed and asleep for
a while. Sirius spent most of the night stroking Remus' head gently and talking
with James.
James
looked at him with envy. "I want what you have," he said with a sigh.
Sirius
narrowed his eyes. "James, I love you. You're my best mate. But you're not
getting my boyfriend." He hugged Remus closer to make his point.
James
chuckled softly. "I meant that I wanted the same thing with Lily that you have
with Remus. You two are so caring and comfortable with each other."
"With
Remus, I find it easy to be." Sirius placed a gentle kiss on Remus' forehead.
Breakfast
was served not long after. As the main tables were all out of order to allow
the one in the center which sat everyone, the house elves served the food by
bringing it up from the kitchens through trap doors in the floor. James watched
this from above. Then, when the house elves were gone, James summoned a small
platter of muffins and a pitcher of pumpkin juice so the Marauders could
breakfast before the excitement began.
Peter woke
at once to the smells of food. He ate his large lemon and poppy seed muffin in
no less than five bites, his cheeks puffed with food as he chewed. James had
one of the two blueberry ones, leaving the other blueberry and the chocolate
one for Sirius and Remus, respectively.
Sirius
petted Remus a little harder, and kissed his forehead more firmly. "Remus... it's
time for breakfast."
Remus
stirred slightly. "Idontheareveryoneyet," he mumbled
in one breath. He did not open his eyes.
"We're
still the only ones in the hall," Sirius confirmed. "But we've procured some
muffins and juice for us. And we've got you a chocolate one..." He held it up to
Remus' face so the young man could smell it.
"Nothungry. Wanttosleep,"
Remus muttered, snuggling closer to Sirius. He sniffled a few times and relaxed
again. "Wakemeupwhenitstime."
He yawned and fell back to sleep almost instantly. Sirius continued to provide
a pillow, warmth and comfort for as long as Remus wanted it. And Peter was more
than happy to eat the chocolate muffin on Remus' behalf.
"He sounds
sick, doesn't he?" Sirius asked worriedly. "Refusing
chocolate... not a good sign."
James
nodded. "He's sick, all right. How about you?"
Sirius
shrugged. "I feel just fine."
"Good. But
we'd better let Remus sleep as much as he can. Don't want him getting sicker
and sneezing the whole time." Sirius and Peter agreed and they all stayed
relatively quiet until
Remus was
afforded another hour of sleep. Dumbledore was the first to arrive for
breakfast, but staff and students filed in shortly thereafter and took seats
around the single table. It was a target too perfect for the Marauders not to
take. If they kept back, out of sight, they would be able to pull it off
without being seen. And if they were not seen, they could not possibly be
caught.
That is,
unless they were heard. That was easier said than done at the moment, as Remus
awoke with the need to sneeze again. "ehhh-hehh-huhhhhh!" He had a handkerchief pressed to his
nose and was taking sharp, quick breaths inwards through it. "ihhh-hihhhh!" Sirius put his arm around Remus and
held him close as all four Marauders sat in the middle of the platform, not
wanting to be seen. "hehh!" As
soon as Remus realized he was not going to be able to hold back the sneezes any
longer, Remus buried his face into Sirius' chest and the handkerchief as well. "ihhh-hihh-hihhhhhhhh... heh-Innkshhh! Ihgsh!" They were half-stifled, but quiet
enough. It was an unsettling way to wake up, however, and Remus mouthed an
apology.
'How are
you feeling?' Sirius mouthed back, feeling Remus' forehead and offering what
was left of the pumpkin juice.
'Better,' Remus
replied. 'Not so tired.' He swiped the side of his hand against his runny nose
and grimaced. 'But still sniffly.' He sniffed several
more times and progressed to wiping his nose against the cuff of his robe
sleeve. 'I hate to admit it... but I think I might be coming down with a cold.' Remus
pressed his nose into the crook of his arm. "Ihhhh!" He froze, fighting the need to
sneeze. And losing, as usual. "Ehgshhh!" Remus sighed and rubbed harder
at his nose, sniffling even more, incredibly.
James
offered his handkerchief and Remus quietly blew his nose until satisfaction. 'I'm
ready now,' Remus said silently, patting his chest with one last sniffle,
trying to reassure them of his condition. 'Really. I'm
well enough for this.' Then, in the softest of whispers, "Let's cause some
mischief."
With the
ropes keeping the platform from tipping, all four crawled to the edge just far
enough to peer down to see the table below. They held their wands out, readying
with deep breaths of anticipation. Remus sniffled a little and rubbed at his
nose, but was determined not to let it ruin the moment.
James
counted in a whisper. "Three... two... one... go!"
They all
said different spells at the same time, with different targets. One by one, the
seven butter knives on the table were transfigured into long, bright green
snakes. Most slithered across the table, but at least one was caught by a black
raven which used to be a teacup or a goblet. The other dozen ravens took flight,
not wanting to stay on the table through all the commotion. The
badgers, several of which were covered in the food that had been sitting on the
former plates. The badgers were scrambling around, trying to get at
everything they could, while avoiding the other animals. The lions, however,
did not seem to like moving. They stood their ground and swiped with large paws at anything that came near them. When there were at least a
handful of each animal, a few of the teapots turned into tiny
smoke-breathing dragons.
The transfigurations
had been easy enough, but the key had been to make the animals as innocuous as
possible. Therefore the dragons did not breathe fire, the lions and badgers had no teeth or claws, the ravens' beaks were dull, and
the snakes were skinny and not poisonous.
Nonetheless,
it caused chaos and panic around the table. Students shrieked and professors jumped
out of the way. Several tried to save some of the breakfast,
others looked around, trying to figure out who had transfigured the dishware
and cutlery. But the Marauders had pulled back and were huddling together on
the center of the platform, completely out of sight. They could no longer
watch, but they could hear the beautiful commotion going on below as the
animals from the various houses trampled through everyone's breakfasts.
"hihh!" Again, Remus felt the need to sneeze,
but this time his eyes widened in fear. If ever there was a terrible time to
sneeze, this was it. They could not be seen, and even if anyone suspected they were
high above the table by the ceiling of the Great Hall, no one would be able to
determine just where. Some sneezing, however, might be noticed above the
ruckus, especially if it originated from where they were now. "ihh!"
Even if
everyone from the first years up through Dumbledore suspected them, there was
no way to prove it if they could not be found at the scene of the crime. And
the true brilliance behind the prank, even beyond the modifications to the
transfigurations, was that without their wands, there was no way to trace the
spells. There was no special calling card, no house excluded from the mayhem,
and no special access needed to the area. It was perfect.
Assuming, of course, that they were not heard.
Remus' hand
waved in the air for a moment in announcement, then clamped over his nose and
mouth. He closed his eyes tightly in concentration. "ihhh-HIHHHH!" He tensed up, gripping his wand hard
in his other hand as he tried as hard as he could to resist the urge to sneeze.
Finally, Remus relaxed, grinning with pride.
"HAHShooo!"
All four of
them froze, alarmed.
And then
three heads turned towards Sirius.
With an
embarrassed flush in his cheeks and a sniffle in his nose, Sirius shrugged.
Apologetically, "Sorry, Mates. Just had to sneeze. Sniff! Sniff! I think I might have what
Remus has after all." He smiled sheepishly as all four of them felt the
platform beneath them shake. The ropes holding them to the ceiling magically
unraveled and the platform slowly descended to the floor. Everyone, at least
everyone not struggling to keep the creatures on the table from trying to kill
each other, looked over at them. Sirius sniffled and rubbed at his nose. "You gotta admit, though. It was a prank no one will forget."
"I'll make
sure you lot don't forget it!" fumed Professor McGonagall. She immediately
began to list off the punishments. "Two hundred points from Gryffindor. You're
to clean up this mess straightaway. And you're to serve detention in the
kitchens every evening for a week."
"ihhhh-hihh-YihhSchhhh!" Remus sneezed, his cheeks redder than
Sirius' at the fact that everyone was watching him. Well, almost everyone. Lily
Evan's eyes seemed to be trained solely on James, and she did not look angry in
the least. "Excuse me," Remus muttered, trying to keep his head down so he
couldn't be seen frantically rubbing at his nose to keep from sneezing again.
"Perhaps a
stop at the hospital wing might be in order first," Dumbledore suggested with a
bit of a smile, regardless of the fact that a badger was gnawing toothlessly on
the end of his beard and a raven had settled on the top of his hat. "And I must
commend you on your choices here. We might have had slimy, six-headed
salamanders scattered upon the table, and then where would we be?" He eyed a
spot on the table before him where a lion and snake were staring each other
down, and his hand swept in-between, retrieving an apple which looked unharmed.
He tossed it over to Peter and rubbed at his beard by his mouth to hide his
growing smile. The Marauders all caught it, however,
as they were ushered off towards the hospital.
Sirius gave
a few more sneezes once they were on their own, which doubled him over and made
the others stop and wait for him. "hahhhChooo! Harshuhhhh! Urghhh... Sniff! SNIFF!" Sirius rubbed at his runny nose,
then he looked back over his shoulder. "You still want
what I have, Prongs? Sniff!"
James
laughed and shook his head and they carried on down the corridors. Remus and
Sirius were sniffling, though walking hand-in-hand and exchanging kisses quite
frequently. Peter was devouring the apple. And James was still beaming from the
look Lily had given him. By the time they were out of the Great Hall, however
they'd formulated a lovely plan or two to allow them remain in the hospital
wing long enough to avoid the cleaning process. But that was a prank they hoped
no one would catch onto.