The Fifth Date

Five dates. He’d never waited five dates to get into someone’s pants before. But that was because he’d never had someone he’d been willing to wait five dates for. He’d never had someone like Bernardo before.

Bernardo. The name just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Bernardo. Bernardo. Bernardo with his perfectly quaffed black hair. Bernardo with his two-day stubble surrounding lush lips. Bernardo with a shirt two sizes too small, exposing every curve and muscle. He must know how good he looks. He must know how much those lips beg to be kissed. He must know how Malik’s fingers already itch to tear that shirt away.

But not at dinner. Dinner’s at a restaurant so fancy there are no prices on the wine menu and there are guys in the restroom you have to tip in order to get a towel to dry your hands.

And not in the car on the way home. The Uber driver keeps glancing at them in the rear view. And maybe it’s the expensive wine or the fact that they both know what’s going to happen tonight, but it’s so hard to keep belted in on either side of the little Honda Acord’s backseat.

The four flights of stairs up to Malik’s apartment are the longest in all of human history. It seems to take ages to reach the end of the hallway. It’s a lifetime to engage the locks on the door. It’s two lifetimes just to walk to the couch. Then Malik is up again, getting drinks, and his hand shakes so much he can’t pour properly and Bernardo chuckles lightly and slides a hand over his to help, which only makes his hand shake more. Because he wants Bernardo so fucking badly and it’s been five dates now and they agreed to tonight ages ago but what if Bernardo still isn’t ready? Worse even, what if Bernardo’s decided he doesn’t want this, doesn’t want Malik?

“Relax,” says Bernardo, the warmth caressing Malik’s ear in such a sensual way it does nothing whatsoever toward making Malik relax. Malik is hard and jumpy and eager and worried this will be too slow or, worse, that it won’t happen at all.

Five dates. And he’d happily take another five or another five hundred. Because Malik’s never been more attracted to someone and he’ll do whatever it takes, whatever Bernardo wants, whatever will make him happy. He’ll wait as long as needed… though he hopes he won’t have to wait at all. Five dates in, and already he thinks he might have found the one. How the hell can you relax in the face of that?

“This’ll be great,” Bernardo reassures him. “It’s got to be, because it’s me and you.”

They leave the bottle and glasses on the counter and kiss their way to the bedroom. Malik’s hand sinks into Bernardo’s thick hair. Bernardo’s lips kiss back with an almost impossible amount of passion. Their feet tangle and they fall against the wall, knocking off a photo of Malik with his golden retriever, who is currently curled up on a bed in the living room and very much not invited to the bedroom right now. They shut the bedroom door as soon as they stumble in. Malik is nervous enough without having to worry about big brown puppy dog eyes looking up at him from the end of the bed.

“Want to get that shirt off you,” Malik says for the eleventh time that night, except this time his hands make contact with the fabric and start to tug.

“Hey, hey!” Malik’s fingers brush his tummy, catching a tickling spot and making Bernardo pull back with laughter. “H-hang on a minute. I want to enjoy this, not rush into it. We spent five dates getting to know each other’s histories, hobbies, friends, families, dreams… let’s spend at least five minutes getting to know each other’s boundaries in bed, all right?”

Boundaries. Malik has never heard a more depressing word in the bedroom. But he nods and lets Bernardo pull him to the bed. He put clean sheets on it that morning, in anticipation. They’re red and satin and feel cool to the touch at first, then warm up. Malik tries to calm himself. He tries to prepare himself for a discussion like a normal adult man. But all he can think of is how much he wants to be in this man right now. Right fucking now.

But he takes a breath, lights the candles he put on his nightstand, sticks his phone in the player, and flips through selections until he finds the playlist he put together after their third date. “Adorn” by Miguel begins playing and Bernardo seems to melt when he hears it. The man is all smiles and sighs but grips his hand in a strong, reassuring way. He still wants to do this. They’re still going to do this.

“First thing’s first,” says Bernardo. “I won’t fuck without a condom. Don’t care if we just got clean bills of health or not.”

“I’m clean,” Malik tells him. He pulls open the nightstand drawer with his free hand and pulls out a whole box of condoms. The box is new, hasn’t even been opened yet. Makes it look like he isn’t that eager. “And I’m prepared.”

“Second…” He trails off for a moment, looking thoughtful. Then he sniffs and keeps going. “You seem nervous as hell right now. I’m not nervous. You don’t need to be either.”

“I’m not,” Malik lies, and he actually manages to keep the shaking out of his voice. He doesn’t want to give the man any reason to think he’s anything but eager. He doesn’t want anything to go wrong now that would make them cancel tonight. Besides, he shouldn’t really be nervous. He’s had sex with dozens upon dozens of guys over the years, and it’s always been enjoyable. Sometimes it’s even been great. He’s got no reason to think tonight will be anything less than outstanding. Because it’s Bernardo.

Bernardo with a diamond stud in one ear. Bernardo who claims to have a tattoo on his hip. Bernardo whose dating profile claimed his dick was ten inches cut. Bernardo whose hand is still squeezing his and still strong and reassuring like nothing else in this world could possibly be.

“I’m not either,” says Bernardo, smiling. “So let’s break the ice by sharing our deepest fantasies. Get that out of the way first and there won’t be anything heavy hanging-ah-between us.” He smirks a little, and the quirk of his mouth is so irresistible Malik just has to lean forward and kiss it. Bernardo kisses back, and soon there’s a hand on the back of Malik’s neck, massaging. When they pull back to catch their breath, Bernardo’s eyes are still closed. But he bravely blurts out. “My deepest fantasy is to be tied up and fucked hard out in the open where anyone could wander over and see. I want to be helpless and trapped in my pleasure with someone I trust completely.”

Malik’s mouth feels dry. He’s never tried bondage, not really. He tied a man’s wrists to the bed once, but the ribbons came loose during sex, so it hadn’t lasted long. And it had been in the privacy of the bedroom. But that fantasy… he wants to be the one Bernardo trusts to do it with him. He wants to do anything for Bernardo. “That’s a beautiful image,” he whispers. “I’d love to see you bound tight, unable to move except to come over and over again.”

Bernardo shudders in anticipation. “Your turn,” he whispers and sniffs. Malik wonders if he’s been moved to near tears. His dark eyes seem watery. He wonders if he should offer a tissue, but the only box in the apartment’s in the bathroom, and that would mean letting go of Bernardo’s hand. And Malik doesn’t ever want to do that again. So he squeezes.

But now he’s stuck. He’s got plenty of good fantasies he could call upon. But his deepest, darkest, most secret? He’s never told anyone that. He’s never really even admitted it to himself. Malik’s going to hear it and be so freaked out he’ll split. There won’t be a night of amazing pleasure. There won’t even be a sixth date. So he says “I’ve always wanted to fuck in a hot tub, one with those jets.”

This confession earns him a squeeze back, but he feels a little ashamed to get it. Especially the way Bernardo’s blinking back tears and rubbing his eyes and nose with his free hand now. “Hey. Are you all right?” Damn, If the man didn’t want to do this after all…

“Sure. I just… I think I… wait…” He turns his head, eyes closing. “I tried to hold back… but I think I’ve got to sneeze. H-hang on. I pr-promise it’ll be… b-be… be…” But what he would have claimed it would be, Malik doesn’t get to find out. “hehhhh-DIHJJshhhhh!”

He doesn’t cover. He just lets lose. And Malik falls so hard for him he might as well have toppled off the bed onto the floor. The sneeze is gorgeous and Malik was able to watch every second of it, from the flaring nostrils to the twitch of a frown to the furrowed brow to the wrinkle of his nose. Bernardo bends a finger and presses it to his nose with a liquid sniff, followed by three more. Malik can’t speak, can’t even bless him.

“Whoo! Sorry. Been fighting that a while. Felt so good to let it out finally.” He sniffs again and shakes his head. “I feel much better now.”

So does Malik. He feels so good he’s afraid he might just come right there in his pants.

“Hope you, ah, don’t mind. I think I sprayed one of your pillows. Just couldn’t help it.”

Pleasurable throbbing threatens to overpower Malik. He grabs the pillow in question and hugs it to his lap to prove he’s fine with it. No harm done. “I’m fine with it. See?” But what the pillow is really there for is to hide his erection. Because, fuck it all, sneezes turn him on so damn much. There. He’s admitted it. And Bernardo’s sneeze was the best he’d ever heard. He can’t tell him, of course, but it’s true. He’s got to hide all evidence, or the man will be running from the room.

Except now the dampness from the wonderful is now pressed against his crotch. And Bernardo… he’s getting that look again. That faraway look, eyes slightly teary and unfocused. He’s going to sneeze again. And the realization shoots waves of arousal throughout Malik’s body that head straight for his dick.

“Great. Let’s see… sniff… oh, sometimes I wear a cock ring, if my partner likes that. There’s something I find hot about delaying gratification. And I like wearing it out in public, where nobody knows except the two of us. Sniff! Sniff! Sorry. W-what else can I tell you?” There’s this sound in his voice, like he’s already fighting off another sneeze. His voice is breathier, just a little higher in pitch. Malik can imagine nothing hotter right now. The man could read him the phone book right now and it would make him come.

“Anything you want.” Malik breathes out hard, trying to control himself. He can’t let Bernardo know what’s happening to him. But he doesn’t want this to stop. This is what he’s dreamed of. This is what he’s fantasized about many more times than he’ll admit. And this isn’t just anyone sneezing—this is Bernardo.

“Okay. I’ve rimmed before, but I think I’ll need a lot more experience before I’m good at it. I’m pretty good with a blow job, though. I love to get down on my knees for a partner and… and just suck… hold on. I think…” He scrubs his palm against his nose, sniffling wetly all the while. Then he stops. “Sorry. Thought I was going to sneeze again. But, false alarm. It’s gone away.” He blushes as he says this. Blushes. Like this is something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Like the way he rubs at his nose isn’t turning Malik on so badly he’s scared he’ll moan so loud the neighbors will hear. “What about you? Do you like that?”  

At first, Malik thinks he means sneezes. It doesn’t seem possible. Then he realizes it isn’t possible. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I just love a good blowjob. Givin’ ‘em, too. Love that.”

“Good.” Bernardo smiles. “Maybe we should start there? Is there anything you won’t do that I should keep in mind? I like to be touched absolutely anywhere and everywhere, but I know some people… doh… don’t li-like-huhhh… huhhhhhhh!” He scrubs hard and fast at his nose. Malik presses the pillow harder to his crotch, trying not to thrust into it. Trying not to show how interested he is in all of this. Trying not to show that he thinks Bernardo is the hottest, sexiest person in the world right now.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I’m gonna have to sn-snee-sneeze huh-again-huhh-IHDIGgggshhhooo!” He snaps forward this time, spraying the pillow again. Except this time it’s in Malik’s lap. A fine mist grazes Malik’s hand, and he can’t help his mind immediately jumping to the fact that there was just one pillow separating his dick from Bernardo’s sneeze. “Sorry!” His face is burning now. “Just couldn’t help sneezing. There’s this tickle in my nose that’s just not going away. Don’t know what it is. I’ve got bad allergies, but not to dogs and not in the middle of October. This is kind of cra… crazy-huh-huh-IHHDIHSChhhhhhhhhh!”

Malik moans. He doesn’t mean to. Of course he doesn’t. But if Bernardo can’t help the sneezing, Malik can’t help his reaction. The man is just so damn fine like this, with a little bit of red tinting his nose and his eyelids drooping and his body swaying so helplessly right here on Malik’s bed as candlelight glows upon his perfect face and… and… “The candles.”

“Sniff! What? Sniff!”

“You were fine until I lit the scented candles.”

Bernardo doesn’t believe him. Malik can see it in his expression. Bernardo gets onto his hands and knees and crawls over to this side of the bed. He sniffs experimentally at the candles to prove he’s not allergic to them. But, right away, his face goes slack and his mouth drops open. “hahhh-DIHShhhh! huhhhGIHTschhhhhh! huhhhhKDIHSChhhhhhh!” He sneezes this last one into Malik’s shoulder. Malik can feel its force and its wetness and nearly comes into the pillow right then and there.

“I lied,” he admits. It’s not so hard to admit when his body’s already betrayed him. And if he has to tell anyone, he’s glad it’s Bernardo. “Before… when I said my favorite fantasy?” He swallows hard then goes for it. Full steam ahead. No turning back. “It’s this.”

Bernardo sniffs, running a finger under his nose. “Talking about sex? I agree, it can be pretty hot. Sniff!”

“No. This. That. What you’re doing. What the candles are doing to you.”

“They’re making me sneeze.”

Malik moans again, louder this time.

“Sneeze?”

And again.

And, this time, Bernardo smiles. “Really? Um, sniff, because I lied too.” He rubs his finger at the bridge of his nose then holds his finger to his nose. His nostrils twitch, but he’s determined to get this out. “I-I’m really nervous. And I was afraid my sneezing would gross you out so you wouldn’t want to do this. I want this to be good. And I want there to be a sixth date. Maybe many more d-dates. And… oh…”

“Yes.”

“Think I’m gonna—!”

“Me too!” Malik whimpers. He pulls at Bernardo’s hand and guides it under the pillow. Bernardo’s eyes widen for a moment before slamming shut. “hah-CHIHSHHHHHH!” He sneezes, and Malik absolutely loses it. He ruins his pants, his come soaking through to Bernardo’s hand. And it feels so good, he doesn’t even stop to consider that right now he’s the one who’s ruined this night. His candles. His weird fetish. His lack of restraint. His embarrassing truth.

They open their eyes and look at one another. “Sorry,” they say in unison. Bernardo pulls his hand back. Malik lets him.

Then Bernardo licks a finger, tasting Malik. “That was amazing,” he admits. “I waited five dates to get into your pants, and it turns out I can make you come without even getting you out of them. I can’t wait to do this with you naked beneath me.”

Malik is glad his chocolate skin doesn’t reveal how flushed he feels. “You still want…”

“Hell yes. Helping you live out your deepest fantasy? That’s hotter than anything I’d imagined for tonight.”

“But I just…”

“You’ll get hard again.” Malik leans over to blow out the candles, but Bernardo grabs him by the collar. “Don’t you dare. I can’t wait to jerk in your mouth when I sneeze during a blowjob. And I’m going to sneeze all over your dick. This is going to be fun. I want to see how many times I can make you c-come be-before-hah! Before you even geh-get inside me. Hahhhh… huhhhhhhhhhh-“ He leaned forward, pressing his nose to the side of Malik’s neck. The pressure holds the sneeze off for an extra few seconds, just enough time for Bernardo to ask, “Okay with that?”

And for Malik to reply, “Oh yes, Bernardo.” The name rolls right off his tongue even as he gasps with pleasure as he feels a sneeze right against his hot skin.

“huhhh-HIPTSCHhuhhhhhh!”